http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 This years progress Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:30:29 +0100 a-n rss generator a-n The Artists Information Company and contributors edit@a-n.co.uk technical@a-n.co.uk http://sites.a-n.co.uk/img/logo.gif http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 I have started this year looking towards my main focus, that of pushing my work as much as I can and becoming as seen by as wider a variety of people as I can, to gain a diversity of responses that is challenging to my making and the ideas behind it.   First Exhibition of the Year: ‘Electric Blue’ Opening 12th March 08  My first focus is a group exhibition that I am part of that is being held in March at the Barge House on the South bank in London. It is being organised by a good friend of mine who studied Fine Art with me at University.  Titled ‘Electric Blue’, the show will feature work that is engaging and interacts with our senses in a variety of different ways. The piece that I plan to construct for the exhibition is a 3d/2d drawn installation piece depicting the image of a domestic scene.  The challenge is the nature of the space, as it is a 3 storey warehouse building with rough brick walls and bad lighting. I have started constructing the piece in my lovely, white, bright studio space and am thinking about how it will translate into the gritty nature of the Barge House. I am trying to balance between keeping the feel of the piece, and practicality of constructing it, to letting the building become part of the work. I don’t want to mask the building out of the piece but let environment and work interrupt each others existence for the short time of the exhibition.  My concern for my own work in this exhibition is that it will be over powered by the space. My work has a fragility about it that I hope doesn’t get lost within the heaviness and robustness of this solid building. I’m really hoping the contrast will be a success.    ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 My week consists of three days at my part-time job, which helps pay the bills and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday working in the art studio at the Digswell Arts Trust.  Last week the value of the trust really highlighted itself to me. Wednesday I got chatting to one of the other fellow’s who has been there for 5 years and is leaving in March due to the length of his time with the Trust being up. He earns his money making canvases for other local artists in his studio space alongside making his own work. After March when he looses this space he will have to find another place to continue making canvases and his artwork.  We are all aware that this support is temporary and that it should be treated as a platform for us to then go on to become self-sufficient, but it still feels like a blow when someone goes and you see the struggles they face.  Last week I have been continuing working on my piece for the barge house exhibition. I have been working on a perspective 3d/2d drawing. It has given me a few technical problems that I couldn’t see past for looking. Luckily, I could go to another fellow and get advice and discuss. It feels so much like a supporting network between us all. It isn’t exactly all happy families but we definitely can identify with each others exasperations sometimes.  I do feel like if I start going down that route of…what am I doing this for? I’m getting no where. Everything is crap! I can usually have a conversation with someone who can give me a bit of perspective (quite literally) and help me focus on the issue.   Another fellow who is leaving because of not using the space due to illness also came in to collect her things. She said she will be working at her home now, but I feel for her because I do feel that isolation is the biggest hurdle for an artist.   This week’s focus is working on this perspective piece and looking at different alternatives for ways to present it in the space. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 This week’s activity:   I’ve been continuing to construct my installation drawing piece.  I’m pleased with how it’s coming along in my studio space but still anxious about how it’s going to work in the Barge House space. It feels almost impossible to envisage. Wednesday I’m going down to visit the space and discuss with Rita where the best place for it might be. Then I will have more of an idea of what will work and what might need working on more. I expect the space to affect the space but the uncertainty is always slightly unnerving.   So far, the response from fellow Digswell artists has been encouraging and interested. I feel doing this piece has really focused my ideas in the representation of space through drawing and the simplicity of line, altering our vision and referring to somewhere else. I have found out a lot about perspective and how all the lines relate to each other, I has not been possible to just make it by judgement of the eye like when you draw space on a manageable sheet of paper. I have had to apply certain technical rules all the way through to keep it visually working…measuring, re-measuring, standing back, altering and so on. It's a very different drawing experience, it’s all stop-start and no flow. It builds up very slowly and quite often I don’t spot a mistake until I have done a good few lines from the wrong one and then discover the last days work needs correcting.  It is an illusion but does not hide what it really is and this seems to be what builds up the tension of the image. The permanent static drawn line which you expect to be solid is the thing that bends and distorts the piece. It makes the viewer aware of the feel of real space and illusion of space represented. Photographing it then does another strange thing because it all becomes less clear what’s happening, as it all becomes 2d again. One space is laid upon another and flattened. The photographic progress changes the experience of the piece completely. It almost makes the drawn space more real.   I am also going to build it up as more of an environment by extending it both within the wall and further into the actual physical space. As I’m working on it and seeing it emerge, lots of other ideas keep occurring in my head of things that I want to try next. I feel like I come away from the studio with nothing else on my mind but where is this going next? The questions keep surfacing.... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 Bargehouse Visit: 7th February 2008  I met Rita at the Bargehouse at about 12pm. We walked round and she talked through her initial plans for how she thinks it will all go together and where she will be placing the different art works. We had a few ideas for me but there are a lot of obstacles with all the spaces. She left me to go round on my own, take some photos and think through how my piece might translate into the various different spaces.  The Building  With its four floors ranging from white washed brick, up to dark, dingy spaces with boarded up windows and fire damaged ceilings you feel a million miles away from the corporate and business developments of the area within which it stands and are thrown back to the past and the sites history. It has layers of it housed within the walls, with its vast empty spaces and eerie silence. The higher up you get the further away from a typical gallery space it is.  I find it such an exciting location that is just crying out to be utilised. There is so much to discover and explore. At 2pm a few other artists arrived to meet Rita and look round the building. It was the first time some of them had even been to the space so think it was a bit of a shock. I think the size of the building is the first thing that hits you, then its roughness. We all feel very excited about this opportunity to use this building and can’t wait to get our teeth in to the project! Finding a space  I came to a decision with Rita to where I will be constructing my installation so went home feeling much happier, knowing that I had a real mission. It is in one of the more gallery type spaces with white walls, so have decided that using my own walls shouldn’t interrupt with the feel of the space and instead I am confident it will incorporate within it.  Next stage of making  Having the actual dimensions and nature of the space, I feel I can storm ahead making decisions and get on with the next stage of constructing the piece with a new confidence and excitement. Now is the time to get the practical planning right and try to predict obstacles that may arise with the construction.   Rita sent me through a copy of the invites and posters today to proof read. They are looking good and I think they present the show very well. It’s all starting to get really exciting to see it all emerging. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 I have been continuing with the drawing part of my installation, transfering the image from the studio wall on to the boards that will be installed at the Bargehouse.The weeks seem to be flying by...... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather this week. The times going faster and faster and I feel I still have so much to do. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I organise and plan, I still feel anxious. I can’t be in the studio today as I’m at work, so feel frustrated wanting to just be getting on. I’m sitting here listening to a discussion on the radio about anti-depressants. Everyone is so sad.  I’m finding it hard at the moment to focus my ideas. I am trying to write an updated artist statement, I have so many old ones but things are always changing in my head. Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to think about everything at once. What is my work really about?  I sat on my bed last night writing random thoughts in between having dinner and going down to continue with my website. Something like this…. Object-without meaningMeaning-without objectSignals. sculpture without surfaceSolid object/solid personDying object/dying personVoid filled/void emptiedVulnerability containing powerObjects?   Thought it might help. Once written down it might make sense… it didn’t. Previously that evening I had been talking with my boyfriend about the Children’s home in Jersey and what now that building had become. Was what had happened in there been left in there. I don’t mean in the ghost sense but more in the space and what it remembers through what people now know. If two time frames could be pushed together how would the space exist? Overlapped? Previous to this we were telling old ghost stories that I use to go round school as kid. They sounded so stupid coming out of my 25 year old mouth, but something still exists in them that conjure up the original fear and excitement ( www.christinabryant.co.uk ) ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 This is the last week before the Bargehouse exhibition. I set up my piece in my studio last Friday so that I could set back and contemplate it, consider what might not work and really to help me answer a question screaming at me constantly...Is this any good? And more importantly is it interesting? I have become so involved, so consumed by it, spending most of my time building, nurturing and bringing it in to being, that judging it is like judging my whole worth as an artist, and extremely melodramatically, my life.   However, amongst all this worry and anxiety I am actually hugely excited. It's a welling up inside of me that have built up since I have been working towards this piece. It's an unexplainable buzz- what a selfish act it is to be an artist, it feels so self indulgent. I pay out constantly for everything, materials, transport, time etc but somehow the financial side of it worries me the least of all at the moment. I sometimes stop and think, should I be worrying more about practical things in life? Pensions, mortgages, savings etc, but nothing has a point to it unless you create one. I see a point in me doing this, any other way and I would be unhappy and I believe exploring this way is a valid process. It is so unpredictable and allows continual amazement. It keeps me unsteady in my thoughts and my views and this is where I feel most comfortable. I enjoy looking at my work and thinking what it makes me feel/think. It has made me think about how we represent something. How an environment can be drawn, and why it should be? How complex the experience of looking and response is, how it is so reliant on us being us, our experiences being similar to the others. It's this personal, yet not, that is intriguing. We seem isolated by our personal backgrounds yet linked by them. Recognising something seems so programmed, so scientific, so categorised, so beyond our own ability to be truly aware of the reality of the experience. It's like being blinded by our own humanness. The image can never be separated from the person. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321   A week in to the Bargehouse exhibition.  Setting up thankfully went without too much of a hitch. By the time the opening came round though it was difficult to relax and feel one way or another about the piece. Having been building up to it and thinking about it so much for a good few months I found myself thrown into an abstract feeling of relief and dread. ‘I love the piece' was said to me a few times and my paranoid voice silently replied ‘No you don't/ It's rubbish' I draw this thought back in and smiled to say ‘thanks'  I did have good feedback that I genuinely believed but what I enjoyed most was moments when people said how they felt about it and refered to the piece specifically. There was much encouraging responses when I could fight back my paranoid self. I did manage to see Yara from the Red Gate Gallery where I plan to exhibit in May. It was very helpful to discuss this piece and how it might be constructed at her gallery. I feel like looking forward to the next is the most comfortable feeling for me now.  Next week I am invigilating at the Bargehouse and am looking forward to some thinking time around my piece and the others in the show. I have a friend coming to take photos of it this week as well so I'm also really excited about seeing someone else's approach towards it.       ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 Two weeks into the show and yesterday I spent the day in and around the Bargehouse listening to peoples responses and chatting to people about my work and the show as a whole. It was great to sit by my work as an invigilator and be like an invisible bystander as people approached and honestly responded to what they where seeing. It was nerve wracking, hearing parents explaining to their children, people coming to their own conclusions really quickly, some people barely acknowledging it and some people really excited by what they where seeing, and really taking the time to explore how it works. It was difficult to not start explaining things to soon and not allowing them to experience the piece without being told anything.  I rotated round the gallery, spending a bit of time by other artists work and contemplating how people were finding the rest of the exhibition. Lots of people where really spending time working hard to look and take something from most of the work. It seemed to average out at about 30mins for each person spending in the exhibition. We had about 250 people yesterday and 400 on Good Friday, which feels incredible! I also got to look at the photos that have been taken of my piece and discuss a little with the Photographer how it was for him taking then. This has been really helpful because the problems with floor and wall not being the same colour is something that has been bothering me but it almost took someone else to mention it for me to acknowledge it. I realise now that I should have worked harder at doing something about this and that a lot is lost by this problem. I am excited more than disappointed by this blunder because I can make sure that when I next construct it I will work harder at the things I know affect the piece. I will be more conscious of the way it's lit and the physicality's of the space. Big lesson learnt!... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321   Last Sunday the Bargehouse exhibition ended. I spent the day around the show and had some really interesting discussions with visitors on that last day. Specifically memorable was a blind group that Rita had invited to the show. I was around photographing my work as they went round and therefore could discuss what my I was exploring and could get feedback. After they had been round there was a conference organised where they could discuss the show between each other and we were able to sit in and contribute to the discussion. It was a very positive activity and allowed me to really think about how art can be experienced in other ways. I had positive feedback from them and found it so interesting that for a piece that is completely about how we see things, someone with no sight could get an affect from it. It did provoke a long discussion about how we experience things and how it is changed when we don't have a particular sense. How does in restrict the perception of something and how does it heighten it? Since last week I have started working for the next exhibition, ‘Living Space' at the Red Gate Gallery in Brixton. I made a visit to the gallery on Wednesday. It is just me on my own this time which as well as being daunting is also very exciting, allowing me to have more control over how and what I show.  Also going on at the moment is a feeling of shifting at the Digswell Arts Trust with the fellows. After a round of interviews for the vacant spaces things have been thrown up in the air with a real clash of views between fellows and trustees, which highlights some serious problems. I won't go in to too much detail at such a sensitive time but we have a fellows meeting on Tuesday to gauge how all artists are feeling and what we think needs to be addressed. It comes after a time where we were feeling that things were picking up. I am eager for us to use the momentum of late while it is still with us to push the Digswell forward, as many of us believe it so desperately needs.  Time and energy will tell.....  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321  Digswell fellows meeting, was positive. We seem to all agree on the fact that things do need to change quite drastically for the Digswell to survive and for it to gain some kind of reputation within the art world. A lot of what was said was answers to how we could move forward instead of just moaning about how things are now. We have a kind of action plan and conveniently have a Trustees meeting coming up on the 22nd April where we will put forward our ideas for changes.  It really made me realise that it is actually the fellow's responsibility to be proactive and positive about the trust. We have all been for too long sitting back and expecting to just be part of a group and not building the group. We should have been putting in the time and energy to direct activities that build on the trusts development. I guess better late than never is the key now.  A side from this my work towards the Red Gate Gallery exhibition feels slow. I have been trying to not finalise anything and just continue with my work so when it comes round to the pieces I put in they are fresh and exciting. I don't want to fall comfortably in to doing and not focus on the ideas that I am dealing with. It's a balance between staying focused but not be tempted to conclude things. I need to remain playful with my exploration and allow the questions to keep coming.  I can feel pressure mounting in my head at the moment. I got that awful feeling of dread this morning that I hadn't felt so much recently. Think it's a combination of everything building. I'm never comfortable with stress but shying away from it won't get me anywhere. I'm hoping that a hardening in me will happen or maybe just getting use to it as a way of life. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 Back in the studio for this week, so have a few things planned... or trying to have a focused plan anyway. There are some new artists moving in this week so new faces around to meet and greet. One woman who is in the process of moving her stuff in is in the middle of her MA at Goldsmiths. It was good to talk to her about what it is like there and how she is finding the course. I have started to think about doing an MA in the future, possibly when my time at Digswell has ended, so I have been trying to gauge feedback from artists who are or have done one and what they thought/think of it and how it has help their practice.   I'm not sure how I feel about doing an MA. I would love to get back into the whole process of gaining good critical feedback on a regular basis and discussing and debating ideas, gaining knowledge and building on my practice, but it's the institution idea that I'm less keen on. I think I need to think on it all a bit more and definitely explore the different courses available. At the moment I feel like the experience I am gaining by being more independent is valuable in helping me find my own way a little. I felt blind when I came out of University.... tumbling down off of a huge cliff with no idea how to be what I was ‘an artist' with just a vibrating in my head of what I'd learnt in the last 4 years. I only very slowly now am starting to get a feel for my place as an artist and to stand up for myself and my ideas in this field.   I have been continuing with my work for the Red Gate Gallery, looking at ways of presenting a new piece I have on the go. Can't decide yet if I love it or hate it or even worse something in between. It may be for the show or for the bin!     ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321  Started out his week thinking I had a long week to get on in the studio, working on my pieces for the upcoming show. It hasn't quite ended up that way. I've been asked to work an extra day at the gallery and felt I couldn't say no after last week getting a letter telling me my studio rent is going up in May and then again in August, plus a letter reminding me how much my student loan currently stands at and another telling me how much I will be taken out of my account for my car insurance. Next few weeks comes it's MOT and the final payment to the Red Gate Gallery, Van hire, materials, etc, etc, etc............it is endless.......... Unsurprisingly I agreed to do the extra day.  So I've tried to use my time productively, hunting out new opportunities that I might apply for, scanning through MA course descriptions, reading recent articles that might be of interested and so on. I feel a little bit like I'm going blind after such a long day starring at a computer screen and not sure if writing this is the answer, but I'll blink on watery eyed and squinting.  Tonight I'm off to the first of a ten session digital photography course with North Herts College. Hoping to brush up and extend my knowledge further. I seem to be using photography such a lot now so I feel that I need to be clearer with the technical side of it.  While I've been sitting in the shop today, I have had new ideas come in to my head that I want to try out when I get the chance. I have started to think about the building up of a drawing as a performance. How the physical doing relates to the images in the end. Planning/adapting/interpreting/altering as it builds up. Have also thought about the scale of my pieces how making smaller/larger and how this will affect how they are viewed. Also, fragmenting an image/changing perspective/partially distorting etc. I really need to get on and play with these ideas.  ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321   This week I have been trying to plan the show out thoroughly in my head to give me an idea of what I've got time to do in the short time left. (I was out of action for beginning of week due to wisdom tooth removal- life can be so inconvenient sometimes!)    I am getting one of my photographs printed so that I can decide how I'm going to show them size/framing/number etc. I'm also trying to work out how much room I've comfortably got so it is a well balanced space. The initial invites are going out this week. It is very exciting at this point but I feel extremely tense. Worst case scenarios are going through my head...no one turns up, I'm not happy with it, people don't like it etc...etc.... anyway, can't worry about that now. I am confident, just a bit apprehensively confident. I feel that my work speaks for itself and will see me through it. (But everyone sees through different eyes and has different expectations) I am realising that it is so important to accept that there will always be people who don't like what I do or don't see why, but the sooner I swallow and digest that fact the more likely that I will last and not be intimidated out of this occupation. I've always imagined that you need to be tough skinned to be an artist, but I know I can't be. I feel every response to my work severely, but I do feel that I have a recovery method that keeps me going, a momentum that moves me forward. It's a simple desire to progress and find out more.         ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321   Two weeks until the show opens. If anything I'm calmer than the week before. My photos are on their way and the frames are ready and waiting. The main installation piece is almost ready to wrap up and get ready for transport, the van is hired, first emails and post invites have gone out. Am I nearly there? I have four full days in the studio this week so hoping to continue playing with a piece I've got on the go and try to decide if it will be included in the show.  I now want to start thinking about what I'm going to do after the show. I've started to look for other opportunities to apply for, I feel like I work better when I have something in the pipe-line to keep me working to a deadline. I hope the show will give me further opportunities, but have to keep the momentum up. With regards to the Digswell's development,- following the Trustees meeting where the future of the Trust was only discussed briefly, it was decided by one of the Trustees that we needed to hold a development meeting specifically to discuss the issues that us artists have been raising. So far it just feels like meeting after meeting and I really hope these meetings will lead on to something much more. I am hopeful though that by these long standing, unspoken issues finally being brought forward, it will lead to them being addressed. It appears that what has really highlighted itself in all this is that there seems to be a big divide between artists and trustees but the dialogue has begun which can only have a positive affect...surely?      ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 Well, crunch time! Setting up tomorrow and feeling really excited. It will be a late night setting up Thursday night but hoping to get it all done in one go so that Friday I can relax a bit and get ready for the evening. I am so excited about seeing the pieces up and presented in the way I have been visualizing them for a long time now.  I am confident that the show will come together well and that the pieces will work with each other. I have thought so much about what it is all about and how it will be read and now I can only hope that I have done a good job! ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 Three days later..... it was really hard work! Harder than I imagined. Funny how quickly I forgot the last time and how tiring it is setting up and getting it all organised, but now that it is up I'm starting to forget the stress and worry again. At least that way I can look to the next thing!Thursday was a very long day. We couldn't start until gone 5pm, so there was a lot of waiting around and then a mad rush. I tried to remain really calm and pace myself but we had a few problems with putting the boards up because of an uneven floor, so tensions rose quite quickly.It was silly, the things that cause the trouble and slow you down are always the things you don't expect (an awkward screw took about half an hour and a lot of swearing) Also, looking at the installation when we finally got it up I quickly realised that the floor we had bought wasn't big enough and we would have to get more. This meant coming back earlier the following day and doing a last minute lay and paint job. At 11pm and a two hour drive ahead of us this seemed like a real nightmare. (hard to remain reasonable when you are as tired as we were) We drove home in the middle of the night watery eyed, starring into space, having not eaten a meal and I don't know about Quintin but I was definately thinking... 'why do I do this?' He must of been thinking 'How?... how did I end up as an artist assistant? Did I apply for this job?'We had a funny half sleep, breakfast, a dash over to visit my dad to get some more flooring, packed the car and made our way back down to Brixton. I won't describe all the events that followed, just that it was emotional but we got it done... paint only a little wet at opening time!I guess it would be a slight understatement to suggest I got alittle stressed, but I can now say everything went fine and I am so pleased to see it finished. It looks great in the space. The gallery has a fantastic feel to it which really compliments my work. This week I'm back at work and having a bit of time off from the studio. What a whirlwind week!... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321   The exhibition came down last week...strange feeling, but I'm now concentrating on the next step. I have a few things that are slowly coming through. I have a meeting on the 18th June with the curator from the C4RD in Highbury, which I was really excited to hear back from as looking in to the gallery I feel it would be a really relevant place to show my work. If and when and how it happens are still to be finalised. It is likely to be end of year or beginning of next. Also, hoping to be part of a group show at the Surface Gallery in Nottingham some time this year but that also is waiting to be finalised. I am therefore still applying and looking and most importantly working. The Red Gate exhibition was in terms of my study a very valuable journey. I guess everything that an artist does, the challenges they set themselves, the pressure they place upon themselves, affects the outcomes in their work. Working in the set time frame, looking forward to and considering the presentation all pushed me to make important, essential decisions. I don't think I necessarily perform my best under a lot of pressure but I do think my mechanism for dealing with it does do something to the way I create. My concentration in what I am making and why I am doing it becomes so focused, that it diverts  from other peoples or even my own expectation. What I start out imagining I will end up with seems to transform and develop so rapidly.  It feels almost like recklessness (not a lack of caring, but a freedom), letting split second ideas come through, just to see what they do, that shifts everything away from a resolve. It's hard to explain, think this is the best I can do for now.     I wrote this post once, then accidentally deleted it. Having to re-write and remember the original flow is impossible. I guess there is always something special in the spontaneity of thoughts and a flatness that cannot be avoided when consciously trying to recreate them.  (oh well, that's life I guess)       ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 I've been particularly busy this week, beginning it off by re-doing my website, it started off as a little brush up on things but turned into a massive change around that seemed to have taken ages!Today I had a meeting at C4RD in Highbury. I am so pleased to be getting involved with this gallery. Chatting to the assistant curator about how the gallery works and what it's aims are was wonderful. 'to create a space for drawing' was one thing he said that I thought was inspiring. It is such a simple way of putting it but so refreshing. 'Making space' to do these things is so important in creating ideas. It's only a reasonably small space (prob similar to your average sitting room) over looking the railway line but it was enough to fill me with excitement at the prospect of working in it. I had sent my images through and a little explanation of what I do to them a couple of weeks ago and they got back to me shortly after suggesting I might do something for the beginning of next year, so that is when it will be. They don't deal with selling work and don't charge for the use of the space. Also, it seems pretty relaxed about the time I have to set up. It will be a site-specific piece so therefore I am given a resonable amount of time actually making in the space. This is excellent news considering the difficulties I've had with time scales recently. It is like a ideal project for me. I am so pleased that I have been given this opportunity and also pleased I have such a good amount of time to consider how my ideas will progress as I see the project through. It will mean that my work will be shown in a gallery that is focused on what is so central to my own study. I am so interested in thier approach to drawing and the dedication to pushing it forward and challenging the preconceived notions about what drawing can be. If you can't already tell by this post....I'm excited! Also, sent off my entry form for the Jerwood drawing prize. So lots to think about at the moment!... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321 I haven't been to the studio for over a week as I've been doing over time at work so feeling a bit behind things. This week I've got to finish my piece for the Jerwood and think about sending off my entry for the Surface Gallery open exhibition. I hate spending this much time away from doing my work. I did bring some home and have been fitting it in around work but it is very frustrating, especially when the shop is so quiet and I feel like I'm just hanging around all day. One of my old uni friends is going in for the Jerwood as well. It is the first time either of us have entered so it's really hard to gauge how likely we are to get in. It's always worth a try though I guess. He was feeling down when we spoke because he had not had any success with the acme funding. All this searchng, applying, putting yourself forward, it's pretty hard to take when you care so much about what you're doing but it can't be plain sailing. Failure is character building, isn't that what they say?  It makes sure you believe in yourself though because if you weren't convinced yourself, I think you would find something else to do before long.  Just getting on with it, seems the best thing we can do at the moment. ... Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100 http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/405321