ARTISTS TALKING

# 21 [29 July 2007]

Saturday 28th

Feel kind of empty today? Been working so hard recently its time for a rest. Do a few drawings on the computer, a small amount of writing then go for a walk. Watch some films later, just to let someone else do the 'picture' work....

Haunted this week: cant get one picture out of my head and its like a slomo flashback during a film. Out, one morning, i watched a 'woman fall'. I was to far away to stop it, her legs buckled and she just fell like a 'demolidhed building', just sinking into the ground. Trouble is she looked at me right in the eyes as she did. Her expression of supprise sharply changed to a 'grimace' of pain, but all in slow motion. 'Eye to eye' contact is normally a strange possibility for someone with 'aspergers' and sposedly a very intimate experience. Allwas quiet, it blocked everything else out but she then 'broke' contact, broke the 'spell' an 'atachment' as she hit the ground and the 'world' shouted back...became apparent and very loud. Rain-traffic- Noise...NoiZe!  Found it very disturbing but also calming. She was alright, just shaken but I couldn't bring myself to talk to her the connection had been so intense.

'Look into my eyes', maybe it true that can be more intense than touch? ?

couldn't sleep so many ideas but not enough time or words to record them before they slip away, out of my reach when i eventually drop off.

# 20 [28 July 2007]

Friday 27th

Interesting day.

Spend some of it with KG, fellow CIBAS creative champion. We sit, discuss, create and evolve ideas to-wards a collaborative project to do with her (fab) jewelery practice. (watch this space) Am able to help with some sound editing issues and software and maybe some illustration for her. We bounce ideas and am able to share about the 'new body' of work i am developing. This is a stripping back, an 'Unisolation', artists cant work in isolation, i used too, yet another life-lesson. Somehow and ironically these journeys always lead back to 'geological layering'.

I feel 'safe' connecting my ideas with a few select people now, K (and S) being one, i respect their feedback and honesty as stops you developing dead ends and from become 'insular' ( a polite way of saying 'up yourself!)and keeps you in check. This is like 'oxygen' to me, was self-taught to shy away from this contact, all connected to those imposed self-image issues that i continue to work through and wrestle with, but i find that this openness is the way forward. Exciting too as again you never know the way the work or collaborations will progress.....'need to breathe'

Drenched walking home.... ideas don't keep you dry

# 19 [28 July 2007]

Thursday 26th

Late night last night so slow start today. Important meeting at 11 about a residency application. Work on an application illustration then walk into the university. Meet with the Dean of Technology about application. Goes really well and the residency outline is sorted. Come away allot happier now i know what is expected on both sides. Felt welcome.

Spend rest of morning , early afternoon preparing as i have important interview at gallery. Pouring down so leave early so i can dry out after arriving, before meeting with the gallery director and exhibitions manager. We sit and chat for a while, goes well and i explain initial submission idea, learn a valuable lesson about experimentation and 'process'. I go with the project that i feel for me is the most different to what i have done before and secure a commitment to be shown at some point in 2008. Really great as this gives me the opportunity to develop and experiment. Learn the difference between an 'open' submission and developing a working relationship that doesn't revolve around a 'fixed outcome'. They acknowledge how far Ive come and the hard work this has taken especially being 'seen', something i have always hidden from. Feel my practice is 'trusted', not a feeling that has often made its presence known until recently.

Stay for the 'artist talk' and then chat with gallery staff and other artist. Invited out after with some of the staff and artists and my DADAR is proved 'so right' again, so don't get in till 12 again......

p.s.  Well done FF on your new adventure......

# 18 [27 July 2007]

Wednesday 25th

Tired, its starting to catch up with me. Spend the morning writing an application for Aspex open submission, Emergency 3. Will put this in next week as haven't finished by the time i have to leave (interruptions again!) to head to Brighton. Join the train at Fratton, its quite full so find seat and settle. Am mistaken by conductor for a Rail worker investigating the 'annoying whistle' in that particular carriage. Explain I'm not and talk about AP. Trouble is after he has gone there is an 'annoying whistle' all be it intermittent that i hadn't noticed before. Now i do and it stands out... almost 'tinnitus' in its intrusive presence once noticed, ironic as this is one of the projects i am working on. (Pedantically i notice this noise is hovering around E whereas 'my tinnitus' is B flat )

Thankfully distracted, as i notice red and white granite stones newly laid between the lines from Nutbourne station on-wards. Later this is covered up by a very noisy child who insists on screaming, can't win....

Arrive in Brighton (with headache) and unusually promptly get lost looking for the Gallery, The Lighthouse. Embarrassingly i have to ring and soon find the gallery down near the ACE:SE office. I have come to meet with Dada South and to the showing of a new video work by Sabine Gruhn called 'Nonsense on stilts'. This was a 'go make' commission funded by ACE and commissioned by Dada South and the Lighthouse-Brighton. Catch up with all the Dada staff earlier and with ACE/ Art Plus staff and friends during the evening. The Installation showing is really moving and imaginative and this is followed by the artist talking about her work. Exciting and mainstream....

Informed during the evening that a 'major' gallery have kept one of my interventions on permanent show since i left it back in March. Excited, makes a change from them getting stolen, not that I mind that either. Catch last train home to Portsmouth, mostly uneventful although do chat with one passenger about his life  'journey'.

# 17 [27 July 2007]

Tuesday 24th

Big day.... Have two 'interviews'. One is a presentation of Alternative platform to 2 senior managers of a rail company i wish to work with and for a 'Dada Exchange' position, both in London.

At least no rain and the train to East Croyden is relatively empty and quiet enabling me to Transfer the presentation into a 'memory journey' and sit back. Did a bit of writing first about last night but have only managed to make myself feel 'seasick', not a great start. Get to EC very early so take a look around. When i Lived in London i never managed to get down here. Checked out the warehouse-theater, SDC had had a production there the previous month. Soon time to present and am made very comfortable to do so and it goes very well. Will wait to hear......how we commence the collaboration.

Next head up to London bridge for the Dada Exchange interview which also seems to go well. Will not hear till next week though so more waiting. Dada South have always enabled me as an artist with 'complications' in all i have tried to achieve in the last 2yrs, without their understanding, presence and ACE:SE backing the south east would be 'colder' place for us 'complicated'  people. Enabling doesn't mean 'doing it for you' nor 'holding my hand' its just 'confidence' and support. DADA Corks......

Dare to return via LB but train home full so i sit and 'people watch' guessing their stories........Notice that there seems to be allot of yellow in this carriage, creating a slight 'interference noise'  that intrudes slightly into the ideas and conversations i am planing.

# 16 [27 July 2007]

Monday 23rd

Guess?  Writing, spent Morning finishing a few illustrations for an application and printing out for Tuesday, then sealed the box containing them. had to leave it all out to go to a meeting bout an event i am planning later i the year. Find you get into something, a piece of work or a poem then you loose flow by having to stop midway. Prefer to spend all day on one thing rather than bits but thats getting rare....at the moment.

Spent evening discussing with 2 friends, a filmmaker and another artist how to begin a collaborative relationship for a new body of work i am evolving. Very exciting as the way we will work will influence the way we relate to each other and hence the outcomes. The 'journey and story' are the most important aspect at this stage and that is constantly changing shape. This documented experimentation will push contextual boundaries around 'written word, personal space and vulnerability' as well as being he basis for a series of new digital and 3D work. Lots of rain, Lots of wine, good food and intense conversations. Walked home buzzing with ideas, will write these down on the train tomorrow and talk with ACE and gallery later in week.

When i illustrated books, no one was readily interested how i did the work, the research, the roughs, just that the end product fitted the brief. I always felt this was a waste as i found the process the most interesting and exciting but drawing the final illustration the least. Now its 180 degrees turnaround and i prefer this, much more inspiring and creative. What or where is it going to lead too? Guess thats why i found 'fossil' hunting so stimulating, you never knew what was going to be 'uncovered' next. I try to weave that 'energy' in to my current work.

# 15 [26 July 2007]

Saturday 21st and Sunday 22nd

Both days a blur of writing the bursary applications, a document to present to a Rail company next week and preparing boxes, i cannot separate them... Was ok as the boxes dried outside in the sun. Watched a few films to break up the days and played about programming a few of the synthesisers i have, no reading involved.....

Actually had time to create today, felt good

had space so reflected on my 'journey'. I had been asked a few days before if i could change my past, would I? I dont think i would not really, it informs what i am and do, even the abuse....besides who knows? and does it matter?

 What does matter is todays aniversary, is its the 2 years to the day since i first rang Arts Council Enland...

will have a drink...cheers SP.....

# 14 [26 July 2007]

Friday 20th

Attended university graduation today and learnt the results of some of the students i had been working with. All really good so was pleased for them. Sorted out some items for a gallery submission with a senior technician in Biology. Spent some time explaining about the work and how dyslexia and genetics are entwined. Was time well spent and ordered.

Walked to Aspex to meet with Alex from  'explore', their out of gallery arts program. Sat in the 'ARC' room and had a chat. (It was a ARC session 2 and a bit years ago that pointed me in the direction of ACE....) Would i be interested in working for a day and installing an intervention on an allotment. Yep, proposed something and its sorted..... read about it on September 3rd.

Walked back with Alex from explore, again i now take every chance to chat with fellow artists and dream up future collaboration. Such a difference from self inflicted reclusive-ness...

# 13 [26 July 2007]

Thursday 19th

Today i went to Brixton, South London. Hadn't been there for 25 years, not since i lived near when i was at Kings College in 1980.(geology) Hadn't changed a lot just seemed busier and full of 'mobile phone' shops. Train up from Portsmouth again to Victoria, was disappointingly uneventful, gave me time to again write down some ideas and work on them. Spoke with the 'conductor/ guard' for a while about AP.

Visited a long standing disability artist about a future commission that may well turn out to be quite involved. Had a very good time and it was important for me as i learnt about some of the roots of disability arts in the UK. Its all very well to 'read' about but comes to life when you hear experiences first hand. A chronology of disability arts can be found on the 'Disability Arts Online' website. Rarely get to engage like this with other disability artist, esp as i'm a 'newcomer' to the scene. 

 Again the journey back was uneventfull, still cannot get the picture of the 'woman as bagel' out of my mind. Quite disturbing, as PW aspergers tend to be very literal in a sometimes pedantic way but always pictorial!. A spade is a spade, a digging instrument for the garden........

# 12 [26 July 2007]

Wednesday 18th

Spend a few hours first thing updating this blog: Then head to London via 'Hove' to meet with Stevie Director of DaDa South (DS), Sign Dance Collective (SDC), an Artist (whose project it is) and the National Arts Development Manager of Mencap about a prospective 'sound' collaboration for an 'intervention'. Project sounds very interesting and respect and enjoy working with SDC and DS so throw my lot in with them. As an access enablement for David B from SDC a small 'acid yellow' figure was used. Whoever held the figure was entitled to speak so he could follow who was speaking one at a time by lip reading.

Aaaarhg yellow! Don't touch yellow (Aspergers thang!)

Devil drives a yellow car: I bullied myself into painting this (with covered and prepared books) last year at a solo ahow about 'abuse' (violently ill while painting it), revisited it this year at 1st Disability arts open at Holton Lee, along with 'my school pen'and won the Judges prize.

Compelled to 'keep quiet' till could hold it in no longer and asked for the 'figure' to be put on my paper pad, one finished it was 'flicked' it to next person to speak. Ended up being quite amusing diffusing the unease i felt at the 'yellowness' (Aspergers goes hand in hand with synaesthesia, and mine certain colours i 'feel' and 'taste' yellow creating a foul fungus taste and fear. Complicated my work as an illustrator for a long time, maybe thats why i prefer B/W. Can get very complicated. Read 'curious tale of dog in the night time' and you will understand)

Headed to London Bridge but had difficulty reading the train info to get back and had never been through there before and it was very busy so headed to Victoria which i Know well and like. Trip back on train interesting and quite surreal. A very young child a few seats away spent most of the journey pointing and shouting at a woman in the seat behind calling her a 'bagel'. Luckily she was asleep and i still cannot see the connection? Very DADA. Gave me time to note down the locations and ideas i had seen for artwork at Victoria and other stations on the way.

In late, tired and i have to be in London again tomorrow.