ARTISTS TALKING

# 17 [26 May 2007]

The anti-climax is taking over, the adrenal rush and push is running low, but now I only need to carry on to invigilate the installation.The projectors are still not to be trusted, as they are very intent of tearing the film or developing some other problem whenever I turn my head in another direction.
The show will be in the Anglican cathedral and available to view for one more week. For the most part of the day 5 monitors are showing what should be on the 5 screens.. This is another one in the line of compromises.. But at least this way there is something visible for audience who arrive when I am absent.

I have set some viewing times which are
mon-fri 11:00-13:00 & 15:00- 16:30
and sat/ sun 13:30-15:30.
However I will be available by request, my telephone number is available in the exhibition space, and anyone can call for an appointment.(07761139340)

The project has been very demanding and the outcome s fine, but I am disappointed that after all this hard work there are still many compromises that I am not really happy with. But it was important to me to show the work anyway, and at the private everybody was happy with what I had to show. The issues that concern me aren't apparent to most other people.

And considering that I was opening at the Cup Final night the turnout was very good. There were in excess of 30 people and I am happy with that. (Especially since I found out later that it took some doing to get admitance, the security staff had locked the main door and not left any indication as to how to get in... there is another door with a door bell, but I think a fair few people didn't find this..).
Now I need to think about how to continue and how to earn a living at the same time.Big questions. They demand coffee.. I will go and have coffee.

# 16 [24 May 2007]

SURVIVED....!!!...the Private View went well, the projectors almost worked all the way through and the musicians were wonderful.

The audience was interesting and interested and arrived in large enough numbers that I think it is fair to say that it was a success... Despite the Cup Final.. Which was lost anyway, so it was much better invested time to view some art, mingle and hear some exquisite improvised music.

# 15 [22 May 2007]

THE PRIVATE VIEW FOR MY EXHIBITION IS TODAY:
WEDNESDAY 23rd of May / (Cup Final day...!)IN THE ANGLICAN CATHEDRAL LIVERPOOL AT 18:30h (The performance will start at 18:45h..)
"Devotional Choreography"a 5-screen cine-film-projection installation
Steve Boyland, Jonathan Raisin and Ray Dickaty will perform music in response to the work.. ( improvisation; piano, voice and saxophone). And they are really quite exceptional, so don't miss this opportunity to hear their performance because you really would be missing first class quality.
I hope you can make it.Birgit.

Below is the project description.. The shortes version I can manage:

The catalyst for this installation is the divisive force with which many people respond to cultural identities that differ from their respective indigenous one… Focus is drawn on the visual poetry of movement and gesture, which devotees of religion have over centuries developed to honor and express their faith. I am temporarily taking the role as the choreographer of an interplay; a chorus;a series of pas de deux between cultures...

(ORIGIN of Choreography: from Greek khoreia ‘dancing in unison’ (from khoros ‘chorus’ ) + -graphy )
I am seeking out what is shared between and across cultures, unifying symbols of what make all of us equally human..

The project specifically investigates ritual movements made during devotional practices, as these are common to all faiths. The exact choreography differs, but as in any good performance on a stage, individual choreographies combine to a potentially holistic whole.. The grammar and composition employed within dance is transferable applied to life: For a harmonic performance, a certain generosity and empathy towards fellow performers is required. These movements and rituals are shown as a multi-screen-projection-installation, whichexplores the aesthetics of an endlessly repeated choreography which is connected to faith and prayer and which is also still strongly emblematic of individual cultural heritage.
The ambition is to orchestrate a ‘dance’ about cultural kinship..

# 14 [20 May 2007]

"Devotional Choreography"  cine film installation

This project has cost some sweat.

# 13 [18 May 2007]

Today I am sourcing tv& dvd combi units. It is becoming clear that I am battling with the elements and that my best choice now will be to film each of the cine projections digitally and burn them onto dvd loops. Then I will place monitors next to each projector and explain that there are technical difficulties in keeping the installation running for prolonged periods of time and that viewing can be arranged by appointment and include an invitation to next wednesday's performance of the Boyland Raisin Dexter Trio, who will respond to the work with improvised music.?br />
During this event the work will be shown as intended, but until then I just have to save my film from being chewed to bits...

# 12 [18 May 2007]

Things have calmed down somewhat, I am still more tired than a bear can possibly be before his big sleep in winter, but the inner equilibrium is already making it's re-appearance.

On wednesday the 23rd will be the performance at the Anglican Cathedral, of Steve Boyland and his two fellow musicians: Jonathan Raisin and Ray I think it's Ray Dexter. They are responding to my work, and they are fantastically talented and very accomplished. There is nobody better or more suitable than these 3. Anywhere. (And they are equal in rank and status, it's just that Steve Boyland has been my friend for so long that I tend to call them the Boyland trio... Don't tell or I will get into trouble with the others..)

This evening I went to the 'View Two Gallery' here in Liverpool to the the first of a series of evenings, 'Lost Voices' organised by the three above. An evening of songs and musical performance of a quality I rarely get the pleasure to hear. Inspirational.

Brian Biggs (from the Bluecoat Gallery, Liverpool) was there, too. It's good to see him around, I like his style. Other gallery running men look distressed too often, dishevelled and even unwashed sometimes, but he always looks collected and well presented... It's important. And I approve. (Yes, we wonder here what makes me think my approval might count for anything, but here it is anyway..)

Tomorrow I am back in the cathedral to fix my un-ruly projectors who are very hungry and chew and gnaw and tear to shredds my films. If anybody happens to want to donate another £1000 or any fraction or even multiple of this, well, then I could get more copies of the films printed, which would really help, and I could get some decent, serviced, warrantied projectors which would be 100% relieable rather than only 25%..

Today my muse called and it all made me think how the last Biennial in Liverpool completely turned my life and fortunes around. I couldn't live without my art work again. How I got through the 'time of art-abstinence' I wonder... Now my ambitions are staked as high as they can be; my input and commitment to my work is equal to that of a person to breath, who has been underwater for too frighteningly long...

I just struggle to clearly define what exactly I am aiming for. Success obviously, but what exactly constitues this ambiguous term success? I see artists of all types in all sorts of carreer incarnations.. Some are stationery, some travel like an eternally migrating bird, this premanent necessity for movement concerns me, I am not sure that I am cut out for it; for the consequences this has on friendships, relationships and personal roots of any kind.

But I don't want to be a single-city-artist either. Absolutely not. But how do we effect and manage a balance? What does that even look like? I want to one day feature in Art Forum, October and Routledge publications and some of Phaidon's finer ones, too.. I want to be written about in these publications and I actually want to write within them, too. And not just with biro after I purchase one, as I do already...

I want to have a choice within quality academic institutions, teach a little, receive international invitations to quality shows and quality dialogues. I want to take part in what defines art 'now'. In the meantime I am struggling to articulate my current understanding, in fact I am struggling to understand.. Art is so busy, there are too many variables. Globalism is killing us all..

(Sweeping grand statement...)
Anyway, in case you are looking for me, then you can find me on: myspace.com/papersculptures

# 11 [15 May 2007]

ok, I am going to cut out the laboured optimism... Here it is, straight and honest:

...now I feel refreshed and human again (after a bath and short rest).

But I don't think that I did a very god job with this exhibition. I am not happy about the amount of compromises I had to make.

And I made a couple of ill fitting choices. I know that I like the aesthetic of re-used materials, why then did I use new ones?
It's creating an incoherence within the already compromised work.

Everyone is too nice about it all. It's obviously lovely to know you like me so much, but I feel almost worse for receiving nothing but positive responses.
Can not someone at least agree with me that it's all pretty poor..?

It would console me more if someone just came and told me that I am right, that it's below standard and that they too hope the next one will be better. Because there is no time for Mickey Mouse attempts at art, there are too many of them already.

Well. I think that a part of the problem is the venue itself, I was hoping to claim the space sufficently with the large projection screens, but since I had to compromise and have smaller ones everything is just too 'bitty'... The film of course we don't even need to talk about, it is absolutely evident that it needs filming again, with more film stock (more money) and lighting (more money).. Ideally in a studio (more money..).

The aspect that I am reasonably happy with is that I didn't give up. Although I am not entirely sure wether that is commendable or plain stubborn crazyness.

The concept, the idea is still one that I stand behind strongly, but it was too hard to work completely on my own, with no real collaborators. The communities / individuals whom I worked with were good to me, and I am certainly not holding them responsible for not helping me more with the process. The real issue is that I feel that I am as much an insular as collective animal and that I missed the collective whilst enjoying far too large a quantity of the insular... I struggle at the best of times to keep a healthy balance but during the past 6 weeks I have reallty felt the lack of an immediate community of which I am part of.

I am not sure what the solution may be. I know that I have to monitor my cine projectors for the next 3 weeks, to save the films from being scrunched up inside them.. In the same time I have 2 further project applications to write and post in time. One for a project in Liverpool to be presented by Mercy and the other a residency in a cathedral which I know I am under-qualified for (...yes, and judging by this work here... - but not much longer, another year or so of continuous application to my work and I should have much better chances..). And I need to make some drawing work. It's a skill that is getting rusty, so it's time to re-focus and throw myself into the practice. I love my charcoal, ink, pencils and paper...

That's where happiness lies, it sits on the line as it forms on the paper, not quite sure of where it will lead next, but it's oh so seductive to see it appear..

The cathedral and I agreed that opening times may be the best option for my films. I wish I had some volunteers to invidulate the show with me, taking turns.. So it looks like most days I will be there from about 10:00 to 12:00h and 13:00- 16:00h.

It is time that I can use to make some drawings... Because what I am interested in at the moment are gestures, devotional and others. But the folding of hands attracts me quite...

# 10 [14 May 2007]

Still setting up, it's all taking longer... Why does that seem familiar..?
So here I am in the cathedral cafe and I am impressed that they have wireless broadband.

However I better get back to trying to finish the settingup. One of the film looping devices is faulty... Which leaves me in a bit of a lurch. But after the initial inward distress I suppose there is no use in panicking any further, that won't fix it. All I can do is get on the phone and get the film lab through whom I got these to send another one...

Did I say these were custom made...? (And VERY expensive..)

I would like to take this opportunity to swear under my breath...Whilst looking benevolent.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Hours later: I worked out that the looping device is fine. Thank heavens for that! Still working, however...

# 9 [13 May 2007]

I feel amazingly priviledged to be able to just devote weeks to making work, to being given such generous access to the cathedral, to being welcomed by all kinds of individuals along the way. I feel enormously lucky.

The work itself is in progress, but I am much happier now. I put up the projector stands and projection screen stands as well as 3 of 5 projectors this evening and will need to go back in at 7am tomorrow to continue getting it all up and running...
How it could have incured somewhere in the region of £2.500 in costs, I am not totally sure. Although I paid for some labour and the cot of materials and equipment is high.. Higher than one thinks, even when working out a budget in advance..

To have the screen stands made came to almost £300 and you would fall off your chair if you saw them. They are made wonderfully well, but they are not a big presence in the space, an amateur may assume that they are worth £20... An amateur, mind you wouldn't have a clue... The stands really are well made. But £300 is such a sum of money out of an unfunded wallet...

I am still nervous about promoting the show. I need a spokes person.. Any eloquent volunteers..? So from tomorrow you can come and view my latest nugget of achievement..

The Anglican Cathedral Liverpool opening times are:
from about 8am - 6pm daily.

The exhibition will be open from Monday 14th of May until Monday 4th of June...

So come, come, come.. And then please invite me to funded projects. Residencies, commissions, let Phaidon know that I am ready for their call....

# 8 [13 May 2007]

It's been quite a week.. I tested the projectors (4 are great but one has a speeding issue.. It likes to run through the film at 100mph, which isn't quite what I had in mind..), then finally cut my film down into the 5 sections, negotiated with the man to make the projector stands for me, which I am yet due to pick up this afternoon, bought some motion sensors to wire up to my projectors, spent a fair amount of time tireing myself out with nervousness and then some real tireing manual work in the wood workshop of the cathedral...
The projectors are really very loud, I am not sure that this will be ok in the cathedral.. They will certainly draw attention to themselves..