ARTISTS TALKING

# 9 [22 May 2008]

I have felt stuck for some time now, after the refusal at Cockpit Arts. I have tried to work out how to find my own rightness in my ceramic work and in my painting and I always feel lost and with lack of direction. Two books and some deep dreams have pointed out to me the real problem. One book was the Zen of creative painting by Jeanne Carbonetti and the Tao of watercolour. These antique oriental theories are not so far from Jewish spiritualism in a certain way and I can relate to them. The thing that touched me most was the theory that one has to let the deep inner creativity rise to the surface and then we will experience the rightness of work. If we are in tune with the self the work produced has integrity and this is what I can’t yet do. I have tried to follow the Author’s suggestion to make my own “Mandala” but then I was unsure on how to read it, I still did not know where to go.

Then it happened quite by accident while I was writing my 500 words project for the Ma application. I absentmindedly drew a doodle with arrows going higher and further and then quite without thinking my hand put a barrier cutting across the higher arrows. I was stunned by my subconscious’ work revealing that I block myself in. Something in me does not allow me to let go to reach that deep space of true inspiration of true freedom. It is an old problem resurfacing. For many years I hoped it would go away and solve itself without me having to unravel it, but I think now I know I have to face it if I want to find my real artist’s self. I went to Laura to ask her if she new a colleague psychoanalyst to whom I can go, and she said she could try and help me, and she suggested another book to read: Susan Jeffers “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. I immediately bought it and realized a minute later that it is not for me. I do not have a problem with self-esteem and with taking decisions I am always very proud of changing my life and finding solutions and I am in tune with my needs. I actually feel I have the opposite problem, I always act too much instead to stop and let my self feel. I am too rational and in control, I don’t like to wait and let my subconscious take over.

It happened with the decision to make functional ceramics, instead to explore a deeper conceptual me. I did not have the courage to go through a completely unknown path. May be now with the Ma is the time to finally free myself.

# 8 [29 April 2008]

It is very hard to restart after a fall. I have been rejected for a studio space at Cockpit Arts after an interview that I thought had been successful. On top of this my kiln broke and I now have to buy a new one with 4-5 weeks for delivery. I have to put it all in prospective because luckily I do not depend on my work for a living, but it is my personal satisfaction and self esteem to have suffered.

More than ever I wish I had a mentor to talk about my thoughts and my creative ideas and to help me focus on progressing.

I asked for feedback and they told me, very politely, that my work is not at the stage of achievement that they would consider in their showcase. It has potential but it is not there yet. I happen to agree with this but I do not know what I am still missing, and how to achieve it. What astonishes me is that they could see this and make such a judgement after interviewing me and handling my work for half an hour. What exactly did they see? Is it a personal thing or there is some general universal principle against which they analyse the work?

I have drawn new shapes and I have tried to make them with my materials but I do not know if it worth it to pursue this idea or not.
I am looking to put some fun in my cups. I have a memory if my grandmother’s teacups and I would like to make my contemporary and thrown version of them. I want to find a way to add feet to them to be raised from the saucer and that is a technical challenge. Is this just a playtime experiment or it can bring to something new?

# 7 [11 April 2008]

I was very stimulated by reading the article by Sanam Emami in Interpreting ceramics www.Uwic.ac.uk/ICRC/issue009/articles/01.html), because it touches some of the points I am very interested too.
 In the Abstract she states that her work “focuses on the potential of ornament and pattern to interact and blur the line between historical conventions and contemporary life”
I am reading James Trilling's books on ornament and I would like to make mine his idea that sometimes "More is more" (pg 12 of the book Ornament a modern perspective) not " Less is more" like everybody always says today.
I grew up in northern Italy surrounded by geometrical patterns, 18th century's architecture (French inspired) and nature and I have always been interested in ornament (every piece of paper left around ends up covered by doodles.
 I am trying to understand how I can apply my idea of ornament to my functional ceramics, and I feel that reproducing my doodles on the surface is simplistic, I would like to study its context and make it part of a big picture. The Islamic world is not part of my background like it is for Sanam. I suppose I am looking for an intellectual discussion about these issues, so that my work can evolve through an aimed project of experimentation.

At the moment I think I do not want to change my throwing technique, my colors and the connection with food and drink , because they are still part of my critical journey and have still potential, but I want to add content and really understand the form.

# 6 [7 April 2008]

Parallel to my painting goes the thinking related to my ceramics. Here I know with more certainty how to do it and there is always the scope for improving the technique, but I lack the confidence in trying new things. I find that I can’t put aside a period of time and experiment, freely, to find new directions. I feel obliged to stay with my standard production. If I adventured in a period of discovery, I would feel suddenly very anxious and try to gather conclusions too early. I think that in a studio with other artists I would be able to ask for the support of others. I could talk it aloud and find the solution and I would have the strength to persevere in the experiment, without looking for the answer.A lot of ideas form in my mind all the time but I postpone the time to use them. It is easier to write than to make.

In the Easter holiday I went to New York for the first time and I found the architecture very exciting.
James Trilling came again in my aid when looking at the reflections of old building on the glass walls of the new. He, born and brought up there, writes:
“ the past alone does not change, though the ways we see it and use it are always changing. It is like an older building that we renovate to suit our need…In recent years, the need to reconcile past and present, or at least to let them coexist has struck me in every visit to New York. The smooth glistening facades of the last half century stand out against the lush textures of the older city, but the combination has an energy beyond simple contrast. Reflected in huge expanses of tinted glass, premodernist buildings have a ghostly second life, while the newer structures borrow the ornament they meant to eclipse.”

# 5 [4 April 2008]

It is a month since I last wrote and I feel I have wasted a lot of time instead of being productive. I have made some stock for my future exhibitions, but I am quite stuck in ideas and feel isolated from other artists. I have the feeling that if I was in a group studio I would progress more just by having exchanges with others. It doesn't help that the children have been on holiday for a month. I am thinking to painting and ceramics at the same time and I hope that the creative process will converge. In my painting I want to create a feeling of landscape with multiple layers of watercolor and I am stuck after the first layer, it is a paralyzing fear to spoil what is there, it does not permit me to go further. I struggle to understand the essence of composition, I am not clear in my mind where I want to go: should I try to create a certain scene, or let it form as I go along? Should I make 50 beginnings? how do I judge them, when do I know whether they are finished, what do they say? I enjoy making the first layer and then I know which bits I like, I could crop them or photograph the sections (second and third image), but I think this is not taking me further in my search even if enjoyable and the resulting paintings are good just as birthday cards!

# 4 [5 March 2008]

I am struggling to understand the idea of beauty and "rightness" of a piece of ceramics. Sometimes I make things that I am happy with and when I look at them after a while I start to see how wrong they are. Other times I see the parts that are good but it is very hard to have objects that are right all over. A friend wanted to buy some mugs and after she ordered very precise detail slightly out of my current work line, she was not happy with what I made, and looking at the objects with her I could see she was right. The whole idea of commission puts the maker in a completely new stress. I am not anymore the arbiter of the rightness but somebody else and I cannot use my usual parameters to judge the outcome.

# 3 [25 February 2008]

It is very curious that James Trilling associates Mozart and Matisse as “complex givers of simple pleasures”, I did not know Matisse when I was growing up, but I think Emanuele Luzzati can be associated to Mozart in the same way.

What I am hoping is that my pots show the real essence of me with all my history, and that eventually I will understand what my hands are doing and where I am going. Reading Richard Jacobs’ “Searching for beauty” I select phrases that resonate in me and I want to capture them. In the first letter he talks about asking questions and not to look for answers. I agree that I should enjoy the questions about my work and where it is taking me, without trying yet to find the answers.

I must look up at Yanagi’s book The unknown craftsman: Richard quotes from it “the love of the irregular is a sign of the basic quest for freedom”. I know that I need to add irregularity to my throwing, but I also know that there is a limit to how much off it can go. I am the arbiter with my internal set of values that are determined by my personal history and influences.

# 2 [15 February 2008]

Sherman Hall in his editorial to the February edition of Ceramic Monthly says that "...to make an object it requires the intellectual act of design and the physical act of making. The most successful examples of design in handmade ceramics are where the two are executed in harmony with each other. One does not necessarily dictate the other".

In the same magazine at page 32 artist Cristine Wright states that "Design is an answer to a question other made, while Sculpture is the artist's answer to her own question".

My work is not sculpture, but a teapot or a mug or a dish have  elements of design in it, as they have to satisfy functionality, and also have to respect my personal quest for aesthetic and "emotional rightness".

I include in my objects elements of ornament intended as James Trilling does as the "art we add to art, shapes and pattern worked into an object...for the pleasure of outline, colour or fantasy".

I try do understand where my need for ornament comes from, and why I always felt unhappy with the statement that all my teachers made that" Less is more". Finally Trilling talks of the historical context of that statement and  of the time when "More was more"( pg 12 of "Ornament a modern perspective").

I am battling with tecnical and design problems and my sense of beauty. 

# 1 [4 February 2008]

I divide my working hours between making my standard production for future shows and trying new ideas. I am studying the book by James Trilling: "Ornament, a Modern Perspective", and I want to clarify what is the origin of my need for ornament and decoration in my life and work.

Since last year I have become aware of the double influence that my parents' different personalities have had on the moulding of my personality. On one side the need for neat and tidy lines and rigid planning and on the other a rich surface of colour, curves, uneven patterns and freedom.

Whenever I grab a pen and a piece of paper I start doodling and all the patterns in my subconscious come up, the paving stones in my home town, the railings along the sea promenade, the patterns of Emanuele Luzzati's paintings, and so on. How can I incorporate them in my work?