ARTISTS TALKING

# 55 [28 August 2008]

Does my AIR Membership mean that I have insurance for this listed building stable door that my van driver took down yesterday?

The stables will invoice me for the damage / repair costs.

Life is full of challenges this year..

I am considering to just emigrate to Asia or Australia or really pretty much anywhere. Yes, Japan, that would be interesting. 

What a year!

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any spontaneous residency opportunities?

x

x 

# 54 [27 August 2008]

Today's events:

after over an hour on the phone to locate a van I ended up finding a van and driver on the yard where our studio is located.

In short: we drove up to the stables to pick up the dungball and as the driver drove through the stable gates he took the corner so tightly that the van was wedged against the stable gate and in an attempt to free himself the stable doors fell off!

Listed building and a very disgruntled stable manager who until then was all set to go home in a few minutes... Well no longer.. I have no idea what the costs will be to fix the damage, and I shouldn't really have to pay as I didn't drive. But morally I still feel a bit responsible. But then the driver's boss started putting all these disclaimers in to indicate that he didn't want anything to do with paying for the damage...

Oh it all has the potential to be ugly and horrible.. and I think there was already enough unsettled-ness going on before this.. Well... But I do have the hayball outside the studio now. A small achievement at great cost..

Brrr.

I should check my horoscope, maybe it said something like: DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE TODAY! IN FACT STAY INDOORS FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH!

I am sure in some time it will be funny to look back on the gate that fell in slow motion...

Unbelievable...

(I finished a drawing, and there were no side effects to it. ) 

# 53 [27 August 2008]

I just came across this artist's blog.

'Swimming Home"  By: Paul Clark

I haven't read much yet but I love the title, I love that it appears on first glance that he really is swimming and philosophizing about where his home is..

I must remember to go back and check in again.

Paul Clark and "Swimming Home"

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progress: there have been no offers to shelter the artist so I am plodding on (carefully), sharing my friend's shoebox in which I now occupy a tiny corner with the bags that I take away every morning and stash back in the car to not make her feel like I am taking over and spreading over her tiny empire..

Getting to manage the refugee life style, spending a lot of time in the car and in the studio. Life bizzarely split between the mundane and the over-dramatic. Well, I suppose if it were a mathematical formular that would lead to an equal balance..

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..the problem is that: being pursued like wild game is not conducive to making work or to writing application letter to find somewhere to be able to make work. It's the chicken and egg problem (?), I need the safe place first then I can think and work. But it appears I will not get the safe place until I have thought and made work. 

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Yesterday's drawings are based  on "The Watchers" and help develop context, help add resonance and weight to the installation planning.

Am wondering how I can improve when I present my work? The projects are really very beautiful. And that is from me who is super-critical of herself.. But the feedback I get before the work is realized is very weak, however once the project is out there the feedback is generally very strong. But like this I am not making the kind of progress that I want to make. I am not moving forward with any funding but instead am creating deeper holes in my credit card. Where are my flaws?

Today: moving the dungball/ take along a photographer. Drawing on "The Watchers" ideas. Arranging Dung.. Bills need paying.

Thursday: Taking my friend to the airport.  "The Gallery for Birds".. needs lots of preparation. Send project descriptions off.

Friday: moving the dungball again/ taking along a photographer (hopefully with a trailer) and starting to apply the dung to it.  

Saturday / Sunday: applying layers of dung to the ball and visiting Martin Mere's in Lancashire.

Monday / Tuesday: checking on the dungball and hopefully it will be dry.

Wednesday/Thursday/ Friday: filming  / arrange a team

# 52 [25 August 2008]

Life imitates art?

I mean one could wonder if the whole analogy of pushing a dungball could somehow apply to the situation with the stalker. My front house door was broken yesterday when I went to check in at the ranch (ok, not a ranch, my flat..) .. police came and all that. Nobody got in because the door was double locked. Just some damage and broken glass to report and a near heart-attack in my chest. But other than that...

Been out looking for a herd of cows but have to admit that I was pretty distressed (and that was before finding my house vandalized) and spent a lot of time driving past cows without stopping to find the cow owning farmers.. But did speak to an Angus Beef owner who will save dung for me for tuesday.

Slow progress on something I should be able to sort out in an afternoon. Nevermind.

Today I posted a proposal to FACT in Liverpool, proposing my New Media Gallery for Birds to them, it's still in it's conceptual development stages, but I think it is a wonderful project and I really hope they like it as it is, for now still in the rough.

The proposal is also in an approximately suitable state to be sent to the RSPB and other Wildlife Centers. So am moving, even if limping a bit, am moving forward. The irrepressible art drive... 

Now I am off to locate a trailer to move the hay ball to the dung or the dung to the hay..

The jobs an artists creates for herself!!!

Great.

Off I go.

Remember please:

I desperately am seeking a residency so that I can get away from having my security threatened and so that I can work properly on these projects.

To be honest i am not sure what better premise there could be for offering anyone a residence than this !! I am driven, have interesting ideas, which I may not always present to their best advantage, but they are great projects, I am artist in extreme need (and that is embarrassing to say) so surely THIS would be a great time to offer some informal, temporary support and claim some laurels when the projects come to fruition and are exhibited. (laurels as in: without our help she would have struggled more to realize these projects..)

My requirements: somewhere safe to live and work, temporarily, 2 weeks would help, 4 would be better, 6 would be wonderful! You can publish my name POST residency, just not before and during.) 

SOS anyone?

Well failing that I'll carry on here.

Project feedback by e-mail would actually also be very appreciated. Any support that helps normality is great.

bdeubner@gmx.net

Mercie.

# 51 [23 August 2008]

Today:

everything went too slow

anticlimax mixed with post full moon symptoms

it rained

I laughed more than I did in all the days of the last 2 weeks combined and was sad more than I have noticed myself to be in the last weeks, too. 

A true roller coaster kind of day.

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Art:

I took photographs

I sat near art in the FACT in Liverpool

I also sat with one of Liverpool's oldest and most unjustly underexposed artists who was once friends with John Cage.

I panicked about Art 

That's as much Art as was in my day today. Some days are like that. 

# 50 [22 August 2008]

I am noting a distinct shortage in residency offers...

Feel reprimanded.. 

Following a long conversation with the grumpyest photolab running person ever; to the general content of: nobody uses film any more and he's pissed off about that. : I went and took 2 rolls of Medium Format film to be developed and printed. £27.98 !!!

Well, and he is surprised that we don't use much film any more???

I nearly fainted. And that plus his enormously hectic grumpy  mannerism I am not surprised in the slightest that people do not use film anymore. It is more like I was being punished for going in and handing over my Holga - shot - film.. When the man should be happy..

I need to point out at this point that regardless of his terrible, terrible mood, I really like him and his shop and think, too, that it is atrocious that he will be going out of business soon, pushed out of the market by the digital age and our fast, fast, extra fast food consumer habits. But I do understand what made his customers go elsewhere. Oh Geoff, we can all tell that you loath us when we individually come into your shop with our amateur shot rolls of film, wanting first class service for prices that seem steep to us but barely cover your business costs. 

Despite his terrible moods I urge everyone to go and take their custom to Samsons cameras on Bold Street, even if just for the old times sake, those times that include the 90's when we still had a lot of shops that have been in their place for a generation or two, had patina and character and hadn't been swallowed up by Wallmart and Tesco just yet. Those times when we thought a mobile phone was pretty avant garde and digital cameras suspicious, miracular and actually incredibly practical.

Now to return to ME ME ME:

Since nobody thinks I need rescuing by way of a residency, how about an invitation to exhibit with a generous fee? A tip on a production grant coming up so that I can begin building the 'New Media Gallery for Birds' ?

hmmmm???

Yesterday I started on a drawing series to accompany "The Watchers" project. These drawings take reference on the traditional Indian painting that I studied with the painter in South India. I am quite happy with the result.

So much for now, for today.

Residencies anyone?

(also feel free to offer me free accommodation in London: your very own live in artist...!! That surely would be something to declare at the next dinner party?!!!) 

# 49 [19 August 2008]

This situation is getting a bit out of hand.

I stand accused of being the devil, sent by a group of devils to single out a religious man to ruin his life!  (seriously, this in all seriousness has been left on my answer-machine today) I think he is avoiding taking responsibilities here for his own actions.. 

Perhaps I should consider after all: to take a lead from Sophie Calle and base a project around this section of my personal life..

This morning he climbed into the locked garden and then onto my window sill..

...of course I called the police and they came quickly 

Later in the day I found lots of malicious abuse online on one of my profiles...

...and I spent more hours with the police, the officer tried hard to help. Ultimately I feel a bit alone. 

Where and when will this stop please?

How on earth am I meant to be doing work through this? (through being stalked)

tzzzz.

Would anyone like to invite me on a residency perhaps?

A safe haven where I can work?

Well, I shall carry on, even if I have to down scale some of this years ambitions. I just can't curl up, that wouldn't be useful at all. Somehow it is the art work that always pulls me out of the deepest ditches that life may throw up from time to time, admittedly I haven't come across one this deep yet. But there's no use in moping. I am scared, yes, but well, that won't earn me medals now will it?

And I want medals, brownie points and general international success please.. I only have 2 more years and will turn old age beyond hope etc... So I already lost yet another year in which productivity ran at about 15%, if that, of what I would have been happy with. It wouldn't help to fret and lose even more time.

I want medals!

Oh, or a residency please. For any casual reader who doesn't know what that is: Simply the artist / I is invited to a location to make art work to help my career and help me develop my art work. Basically it is help to get the artist / I to blossom.

So what does that mean for you?: Well you will know if you are an art organisation, and I suggest you quickly grab your notepad and take this e-mail address: bdeubner@gmx.net and e-mail me quickly to send me an invitation to offer me some shelter.

If however you are a casual art lover..: Perhaps you live somewhere on a farm, near a farm, with some space: an empty garage, and some space for me to sleep.. If so: Invite me! Host me, maybe even feed me (vegetables, bread and fish) I need to get away from a somewhat unpredictable, threatening person who has discovered a penchant for climbing onto my window sill... bdeubner@gmx.net

So much for tonight. there is lots of work to do, I best leap to it.

As I say:

I want medals......!!!! 

# 48 [18 August 2008]

(part 3)

Their collection of works is amazing. It brought old Bruce Naumans, Richard Serras to life. Things I wanted to walk past because in other galleries the same artist hadn't been so memorable: here they spoke with beautiful elegance and life! I saw for the first time in real 3D form the drawings / film of William Kentridge. It was presented to well, like everything else the spaces the rooms chosen, the sequences chosen, everything just fitted so well. This curator should receive double pay! Bonuses for her. I apologize I forgot her name, but I will check and I will order the catalogue because the entire building gave me palpitations of unbelievable joy!

The Tate Gallery gave me this kind of joy once with the 1st half of the Chinese show early last summer, in Liverpool. Where I nearly cried a tear of happiness, too. But rarely have I seen anything comparable to the exhibition at Museon in Bolzano! 

I eventually took the night train back to Venice to do some filming with my cine camera (yes, I dragged that around with me... Like a lump of lead.) and soak up some more watery spirit. Oh it is beautiful. I took the Tragettho accross the canal and then decided to stay on it and paid the catain for several crossings.. He just thought I am a bit mad. The tragettho is a gondola without the nicknacks and is used at fixed points along the grand canal where there are no bridges but people need to cross. THAT is a real gondola, actually. No gimmics but function. Oh and infinitely cheaper. A crossing is 50 cent. And several crossings are quite fine to get a feel for the gondola experience.

The return journey home reminded me how much I loath Ryan Air, MUSt remember to NEVER fly with them again. I'd rather cycle, yes, all the way. What a shambles.

So here I am, back. Ready to roll dung.  

# 47 [18 August 2008]

(part 2)

Eventually I arrived. Wow.

I somehow missed over 1/4 of the exhibition because I got rather involved in trying to fix a room full of 16mm projections that were off, with jammed film and no dust covers... However: wow, so much art.

(details hopefully later, if I have time to review a bit)

Then by train back to trento, collection of my  suitcase and by train to Bolzano where I spent about 90 minutes trying to find a bed, not realizing I could have had a free one, instead paying a cheap as chips hotel. Found a really good restaurant, met a curator from Bulgaria but resident in Portugal got exhibition tips from him.

Next day: woke up, re-located to MSuite, an art work for living in, inside a gallery in Bolzano, a free night's sleep. I stayed 2 nights.

Then made a beeline for Bolzano's Manifesta which I found disappointing. But more about that another time. I then travelled to Fortezza walked around an old fortress with the thickest walls and dampest air and felt just like at home (remember: I live in the arctic, there is a piece of it in my flat in Liverpool)..

I wasn't enormously taken with the soundinstallations there, but I liked the ideas just nto all of the execution. It would be really nice to get the Fortezza specific section of the catalogue collection (4 books, who can afford or carry all them?)

It took me a long time to get back to Bolzano and the MSuite but I was in heaven in those comfortable beds, Art work by Hubert Kostner . Before I went back I had some pizza and the waiter informed me that he is a trained hunter from Hungary and that if I want he will come to Liverpool to protect me. Brilliant. And he gave me a huge shot of Grappa to cheer me up. It worked it's magic.

On the following day two new people arrived at the MSuite and turned out to be the missing link between me and the art. They brought everything to life and really complemented and completed the experience magnificently. Ulli and David. Ulli a curator from the Bodensee and David originally from near London, a photographer / programmer / Bus Bar operator..

They were absolutely wonderful and sowed several seeds that are currently germinating into project additions or even projects of their own.

 We went to Museon together, Bolzano's new, brand new, still sparkling, contemporary art gallery. I have  never been to such a flawless place. Absolutely outstanding, unforgettable, wonderful, wow, wow, wow, in case I didn't make it clear: WOW!

# 46 [18 August 2008]

(Part 1)

Back from  seeing all the art at Manifesta (for those who are not familiar with it: it is the European Biennial that changes country as well as curatorial team every 2 years), which this year was in Northern Italy split over 4 towns.

I will come back later and edit this entry, but I just wanted to check in and say: I am back and busier than ever.

This morning I spent some time translating Emilt Speed's text from Enlgish into German with her, which was a really nice way of engaging with her art work, actually. Translating someone else's thoughts is a very intimate way of engaging. (Emily Speed's blog: http://sites.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/projects/single/417942)

So here's the travel itinerary: Flight with Ryan Air to Venice, 2 nights in a  dormitory there and many hours spent wandering the small back alleys and crossing plenty of it's 410 bridges, taking photographs for my friend's 99 year old grandmother. So that was a very nice occupation.

Then by train to Trento, Roveretto, Bolzano and Fortezza, spending a night in a dormitory in Trento, eating the most memorable dessert without dinner (couldn't afford both so opted for the dessert, like the grown up that I am...) saw the Exhibition at the old Post Office, had the whole team on the go to fix my friend's art work (7 projections of which 4 were frozen still.. a scandal!), met a very friendly curator from the Tate Gallery London who gave me excellent career advice and his phone number. 

Made plans to return to see all the works I hadn't seen properly on this first visit.

The next day I travelled to Roveretto which has a really foggy bus system, I couldn't find the bus stop, and the town is about the size of an average pillow case.. Anyway in the end I just took whatever bus I could find and it took me to MArt, the new contemporary art gallery, oh my god! What an amazing place. So much art! 3or 4 exhibitions: Eurasia, one of 3 German Painters, an exhibition of their collection and one I forgot. I specifically had singled out Eurasia as the one to locate and find, so I landed on my feet and spent the afternoon seeing some wonderful art.

I nearly fainted from dehydration and negligent food intake (as in none, except for an ice cream that day, which really doesn't constitute food..). So I left in search for nourishment. The MArt's own cafe was a bit too busy for my state ofg mind so I wandered back towards a main square, in wonderful heat and sunshine, had a slice of pizza and of course more ice cream. Spent about an hour trying to locate the correct bus to make my way to the old tobacco factory where Roveretto's main installment of the Manifesta is located.