ARTISTS TALKING

# 21 [17 July 2008]

I found out later that my partner wasn't allowed to visit because I was imprisoned near hardened criminals. Does this make me a criminal I asked myself. 

I finally got a visit from a doctor and some other social worker type people. I was shaking in the blue police pjs I was dressed in. 'I just want to see my daughter' I cried. They made they're diagnosis and  I was put back in the cell for god only knows how much longer. I could see the light through the frosted window panes, am I going to be here till it gets dark again I thought to myself. I tried to sleep under the blanket I was given, I tried to do breathing exercises to keep myself calm. I also imagined a Physiotherapist friend helping me to lie down correctly. 

It was evening by the time I got to walk out of the holding station, handcuffed (for my own safety?!) and taken in an ambulance to a psychiatric ward. There I told a psychiatrist my life story! My dad and partner arrived. Then at last I got some sleep with the medication I was on before.

# 20 [17 July 2008]

Hello. I'm back, not from France, but from hospital, Mental Hospital in fact. I'm ok. It's been crazy since I last wrote. I want to write the facts down here so I'm clear. I had a panic attack in the middle of the night, screamed and ran out of the house naked holding my daughter. My partner didn't know where I'd gone so he rang the emergency services. I, in the mean time, had asked a passer-by for help. An ambulance arrived and I was in a state of panic, and thought I was going to have one of my breasts cut off. My friend who happened to be passing came into the ambulance to comfort me. However she didn't travel with me, so I paniced more about where I was I going? My partner took my baby home. I assumed I was being taken to hospital when in fact I arrived at a police station.

I stood, in my red dressing gown, in front of a huge desk looking up at the police sargeant and thought 'I must have done something wrong, why am I here?' I assumed they would look me up on the internet realise that I am an artist and set me free. But no instead I was banged up in a police cell for 24 hours. Anyone who has had to cope with being in a cell when all you want is a friend and some comforting words will understand that this is the last thing I needed. The door was locked I had no human contact apart from through an intercom on the wall. It was terrifying. I tried to keep myself sane by singing and dancing. The police were probably watching and thinking I was psychotic. I was imprisoned, of course I was bloody scared. I thought, I'll enjoy the accostics whilst I'm here. So I screamed/sang as loud as I possibly could and imagined I was part of an art performance performing for a dead friend. My meals were passed through the hatch, a nasty school dinner style sausage and beans. The woman who posted it though called me 'love'. I spoke to my mum on the intercom, but got confused and thought I was in Holloaway when in actual fact I was in Hollingbury. I spoke to my partner and didn't understand why he couldn't come and get me. 

# 19 [19 June 2008]

No Janet still doesn't agree with my about vaccines but I'll have to work on her abit longer. Not sure how that's going to happen there. There's no way Neve is having vaccinations. I've got to put my foot down on that one. It's scarey how people are indoctrinated with this bullshit.

# 18 [19 June 2008]

No Janet still doesn't agree with my about vaccines but I'll have to work on her abit longer. Not sure how that's going to happen. There's no way Neve is having vaccinations.

# 17 [19 June 2008]

Ok I've calmed down abit, I'm tired and need to get some rest. I don't know if I'll be writing for a while as I'm going on holiday to France. I need to take a break.

# 16 [19 June 2008]

MY SISTER IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS - THANK GOD!

# 15 [19 June 2008]

I'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYVVVVVVVI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYI'M STILL ANGRY, ANGRY ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRY,ANGRYY

# 14 [18 June 2008]

Ok I'm really angry, to be honest I'm fucking furious, I've made some discoveries that are shocking and I even fear writing them down here. I fear writing because I know many people will be effected and it could have far reaching impications on the world. My family are medical, I grew up in with surgeons and doctors and I had to make alot of decisions in my life that did not corrolate with the medical establishment. Now I've discovered ways of dealing with my own health and the health of my daughter I feel able to express my anger at the medical establishment. The medical establishment has basically sold us a lie, that lie is vaccinations. I no longer care if anyone disagrees because I now understand it to be the truth. It is the truth because of my own experiences as a child growing up and now as an adult. In fact it is what has driven my artistic practice throughout my life. I am deaf in one ear, I had mumps as a child. My mum gave birth to three babies that died. My step mother had a cot-death. These are real facts that happened in my life. I have been seeking out ways of expressing them using art, this has been getting increasingly difficult until I gave birth. My daughter has freed a creative expression in me that I did not know was possible. I feel able to make art and ideas are beginning to build up in my mind.

My homeopath is helping, this is the reason for my transformation, this is why I have the strength to write this here. I've taken my daughter to the homeopath too because I gave her immunisations. I was terrified for her, terrified she would die of a cot-death and I had a severe attack of anxiety in August which has led me to where I am now. I no longer want children to suffer, there is too much pain in the world already without having to inflict more upon our children. We need to look after them and not inject them with diseases which actually in the end could kill them. 

# 13 [18 June 2008]

Ok I'm really angry, to be honest I'm furious, I've made some discoveries that are shocking and I even fear writing them down here. I fear writing because I know many people will be effected and it could have far reaching impications on the world. My family are medical, I grew up in with surgeons and doctors and I had to make alot of decions in my life that did not corrolate with the medical establishment. Now I've discovered ways of dealing with my own health and the health of my daughter I feel able to express my anger at the medical establishment. The medical establishment has basically sold us a lie, that lie is vaccinations. I no longer care if anyone disagrees because I now understand it to be the truth. It is the truth because of my own experences as a child growing up and now as an adult. In fact is is what has driven my artistic practice throughout my life. I am deaf in one ear, I had mumps as a child. My mum gave birth to three babies that died. My step mother had a cot-death. These are real facts that happened in my life. I have been seeking out ways of expressing them threw art, this has been getting increasingly difficult until I had my daughter. She has freed a creative expression in me that I did not know was possible. I feel able to make a lot more work and ideas are piling up in my mind.

My homeopath is helping, this is the reason for my transformation, this is why I have the strength to write this here. I've taken my daughter to the homeopath too because she was given immunisations. I was terrified for her, I had a severe attack of anxiety in August which has led me to where I am now. I no longer want children to suffer, there is too much pain in the world already without having to inflict more upon our children. We need to look after them and not inject them with diseases which actually in the end could kill them. 

# 12 [18 June 2008]

Another early rise. It's 6am the sun looks gorgeous, I love the early mornings. Alot is happening at the moment, my life is transforming, I can feel the shift, it's quite incredible. I've started writing my morning pages again, and it really helps. I've been doing it for so long now its like automatic writing, I don't even need to think about the next sentence.

I had an unexpected meeting last night with Vicky and Agnes. There's something magical about those two, they are full of the joys of life. I find their company both relaxing and stimulating at the same time. The breast feeding video is happening. However it needs to happen fast because of funding deadlines with Children in Need. This is what's challenging. It will help to have someone famous promoting breast-feeding. Does anyone know anyone famous who breast fed and might be interested in educating teen mums. I know Tracey Emin has an exhibition about teen mums going on in Folkestone at the moment. I wonder if she could help? The difficulty is we need the interview as soon as possible. The funding requires us to finish the breast feeding video first in order to move on to a far more exciting video documenting labour. This video will provide information to young mums and midwives about the experience of giving birth.