Instalation Art, Landscapes and bored of the new, a blog on a reborn artist
# 4 [12 August 2008]
Week 3 in the Post Intersections Exhibition Vaughan house. Helena is on the sofa. Neal is in the diary room.
The work of the artist is a constant tenitus in the mind. The thoughts and dreams mix with regrets and nightmares. I have enjoyed 'coming out' and experiencing producing artwork once more, but it maybe has not helped a low self esteem. My feeling about wanting to paint is strong, my fears and hate based on my abilities unfortunately is stronger still. I stopped 'searching' inside myself during my early twenties because I found it hard. The drip drip of ideas and thoughts became a deafening noise that I just wanted to stop. I shut off the ideas and my mind became a desert.
Now, my eyes are open again but things have changed. When I was young I found myself less able to focus, more confused, but absence of constraints, the innocence of youth made it easier to make mistakes. Now that carefree attitude has gone and also gone is the inspiration, the free thinking, but unfortunately the paranoia and hate still remains.
I want to answer everyone, be everything, I cannot an as such find it hard to justify myself, let alone my art.
My art is simplistic, boring, samey and I obviously know that. The problem is how to move on. I wanted to go back to basics but now I find myself scared of going forward.
Its the last weekend of my groups exhibition. Its gone very well up to now and the feedback has been great. We've sold everything and commisions are rolling in now. On the back of the works up I have a one man show planned for the Royal Academy and.........yes by now you are realising this is all too good to be true.
SHAME!
Its a sad truth that the opposite could be said about the exhibition. OK the feedback has been good, I'd like more, but its been good. The marketing went well, but the feet and £'s have not followed. Now this was never about the selling, but it would have been nice to cover the costs. I think that, as a first show, its gone well and at least it got me off my backside and back to the coalface of producing art.
Producing ART! - now thats a loaded couple of words.
I have gone back to basics and I am now starting to buld up an idea of where I want to go. Enjoyment for me is the key, as is expression and technique. Now technique is a important factor here, as I feel that Picasso would not have been the artist he was if it had not been for his early years painting traditional oils on traditional subjects. Its a starting place for style and expression to develope.
I am beginnig to grow
Thats the most important thing for me at the moment. To grow in maturity and expression, within a chosen field or discipline. Keep the techniques and feelings that I enjoy, ditch the others. OK my landscapes are contrived, maybe dull and lack REAL expression or concept/ideas. BUT, I enjoyed doing them (well, to a degree as they can be bloody hard to do - the more detailed you get) and they are what they are, landscapes of London, set to a loose theme painted in oils in a traditional circa 1800 way.
I want to move on
The next step is to take it all further, the lessons I have learned in painting in oils, the ideas that are now coming to me thick and fast and the feeling of wanting to express myself more than ever.
Now if that last paragraph is not a good advert to why you should enjoy, be involved and exhibit your work, then you have lost the reason for art surely!
I have recently (this Monday) felt that my time in the wilderness of non creativity was time wasted but at the same time it was time well spent.
I will explain.
As I have said before I am, or have been, an artist. Nothing like the brave souls who go out there and do it, with no support or financial backing. NO. I am a charlaton, a degree student - who gave up when the money and course run out and the lure of jobs and the 9-5 was too much to turn down.
My years in the wilderness were spent building a career in TV production. From the humble beginnings of a video tape library I worked my way up to the even more humble (or is it humiliating?) heights of internet TV sports producer. WOW!
Now I have embarked on my new life - as an artist again. Ok, i am still employed by internet TV and I am a whore to the money men, but at least i am trying!
My wife tells me i have to put a positive spin, she has had a glass of wine!
So, over the next few days I will attempt to tell the ups and downs of my (our) current exhibition.
I can honestly say that I feel all the hard work over the last few months was certainly not worth it. I feel that I have let myself down. What part of me honestly thought that i would be happy with lame landscapes that were geared to the buying public.
# 4 [12 August 2008]
Week 3 in the Post Intersections Exhibition Vaughan house. Helena is on the sofa. Neal is in the diary room.
The work of the artist is a constant tenitus in the mind. The thoughts and dreams mix with regrets and nightmares. I have enjoyed 'coming out' and experiencing producing artwork once more, but it maybe has not helped a low self esteem. My feeling about wanting to paint is strong, my fears and hate based on my abilities unfortunately is stronger still. I stopped 'searching' inside myself during my early twenties because I found it hard. The drip drip of ideas and thoughts became a deafening noise that I just wanted to stop. I shut off the ideas and my mind became a desert.
Now, my eyes are open again but things have changed. When I was young I found myself less able to focus, more confused, but absence of constraints, the innocence of youth made it easier to make mistakes. Now that carefree attitude has gone and also gone is the inspiration, the free thinking, but unfortunately the paranoia and hate still remains.
I want to answer everyone, be everything, I cannot an as such find it hard to justify myself, let alone my art.
My art is simplistic, boring, samey and I obviously know that. The problem is how to move on. I wanted to go back to basics but now I find myself scared of going forward.
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# 3 [24 July 2008]
Its the last weekend of my groups exhibition. Its gone very well up to now and the feedback has been great. We've sold everything and commisions are rolling in now. On the back of the works up I have a one man show planned for the Royal Academy and.........yes by now you are realising this is all too good to be true.
SHAME!
Its a sad truth that the opposite could be said about the exhibition. OK the feedback has been good, I'd like more, but its been good. The marketing went well, but the feet and £'s have not followed. Now this was never about the selling, but it would have been nice to cover the costs. I think that, as a first show, its gone well and at least it got me off my backside and back to the coalface of producing art.
Producing ART! - now thats a loaded couple of words.
I have gone back to basics and I am now starting to buld up an idea of where I want to go. Enjoyment for me is the key, as is expression and technique. Now technique is a important factor here, as I feel that Picasso would not have been the artist he was if it had not been for his early years painting traditional oils on traditional subjects. Its a starting place for style and expression to develope.
I am beginnig to grow
Thats the most important thing for me at the moment. To grow in maturity and expression, within a chosen field or discipline. Keep the techniques and feelings that I enjoy, ditch the others. OK my landscapes are contrived, maybe dull and lack REAL expression or concept/ideas. BUT, I enjoyed doing them (well, to a degree as they can be bloody hard to do - the more detailed you get) and they are what they are, landscapes of London, set to a loose theme painted in oils in a traditional circa 1800 way.
I want to move on
The next step is to take it all further, the lessons I have learned in painting in oils, the ideas that are now coming to me thick and fast and the feeling of wanting to express myself more than ever.
Now if that last paragraph is not a good advert to why you should enjoy, be involved and exhibit your work, then you have lost the reason for art surely!
Login to post a comment »
[enlarge]
'Neal Vaughan'.
# 2 [17 July 2008]
I have recently (this Monday) felt that my time in the wilderness of non creativity was time wasted but at the same time it was time well spent.
I will explain.
As I have said before I am, or have been, an artist. Nothing like the brave souls who go out there and do it, with no support or financial backing. NO. I am a charlaton, a degree student - who gave up when the money and course run out and the lure of jobs and the 9-5 was too much to turn down.
My years in the wilderness were spent building a career in TV production. From the humble beginnings of a video tape library I worked my way up to the even more humble (or is it humiliating?) heights of internet TV sports producer. WOW!
Now I have embarked on my new life - as an artist again. Ok, i am still employed by internet TV and I am a whore to the money men, but at least i am trying!
My wife tells me i have to put a positive spin, she has had a glass of wine!
So, over the next few days I will attempt to tell the ups and downs of my (our) current exhibition.
Login to post a comment »
[enlarge]
'Neal Vaughan'.
# 1 [15 July 2008]
I can honestly say that I feel all the hard work over the last few months was certainly not worth it. I feel that I have let myself down. What part of me honestly thought that i would be happy with lame landscapes that were geared to the buying public.
What is even worse is did they buy.........? NO!
I think its time to think again.
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