DEGREES UNEDITED

# 10 [10 May 2008]

and so i seem to have not written on here for a while. i inadvertantly exchanged the internet for some actual work. shock horror. but also the website diddnt want to seem to work.

it was lovely to be in a-n (twice) makes me feel like i'm actually getting somewhere.

today has been rubbish, i've been in a sort of bored restless- annoyed mood. someone lied to me today. infact they lied to me yesterday too. some people are too concerned about how things make them feel to realize that these things affect other people too. i dont need this with 10 days till set up.

i'm trying not to think about the 10 days becuase 10 days will soon become a week. and a week is no time at all. i think i will get everything done. infact i know i will. well i have some reservations about the intestines i'm making and the fake blood but everything else is ok. or will be once i finish the knees of my sculpture.

but folder wise, it could be handed in now i guess and it'd be alright. well after i add my last min documentation and things.

sigh, i think i better get in the shower. i'm going to a bbq tonight, i'm going to spend my whole time there feeling guilty becuase i'm not working. but my printer has no ink so i cant print anything. i was so posed to go to my mums to print the stuff out. but i dont want to. because everyone seems to want to play happy familys without me.

# 9 [10 April 2008]

and so i still don't feel like i've done much work recently, and i hate saying that becuase i do work hard i promise. there have been quite a few things getting in the way of me doing work, only being able to cast at certain times being the main one. motivation being one of the others.

and i feel a bit funny today, i think i'm thinking too much about what ive loved and lost. and i found out today that my ex is going on a big uk tour with his band and where are they playing tonight? yup, nottingham. its the second time he's played here since we split up. part of me really isn't bothered but the other part wants to see him becuase we were good friends. and i hate loosing friends. and so loosing friends is never my doing. and thinking about friends too makes me a little sad, becuase in a few months everyone will be leaving, even all my friends from home are moving on, except one or two, and me of course. althought i'm seriously consideringing moving too, i feel a little like i've met everyone in nottingham, which i know is nonsence but i do feel a bit like i'm going round in circles in nottingham as everyone i meet knows everyone i meet anyway. and i'm scared about not making friends when im not a student anymore.

# 8 [8 April 2008]

and i spent all day yesterday casting, i managed to do both my arms, not perfect, but workable. and i was planning to do my head today but things needed to be printed and stuff needs to be bought so i'm going to do it friday instead. and i'm a bit scared. best not to think about it. and i feel a bit like i have so much to do but i'm partually (and yet another word i cant spell!) standing still, i know i need to get moving but i'm so unmotivated, its much easier to sit at a computer and do things, hence why all my written work is done. ish. so i am scared to say the least. but once i cast my head i can work on that and then hopefully feel better about things. i'll have to wait and see i guess.

# 7 [30 March 2008]

so i just realized i havent posted on here for about 10 days. now that just shows what a busy 10 old days i've had. and i've been learning how to make intestines and websites and the gravity behind making a sculpture stand up. all exciting stuff. things seem to be going really well at the moment. i'm going to start casting for my next sculpture tommorow. other than that i have some written work to do and things. i'd like to say i'm feeling confident but i think i'm just sure of myself. if you minus the multiple mini panic attatcks i have when someone says '5 weeks left....5 weeksssss' oh dear, the real world is edging ever closer, and i don't like it. not one bit.

# 6 [18 March 2008]

so yesterday was pretty good, a massive st. patricks day parade came right past my house, the benefits of living above a shop on the main road into town i guess. its not very often that entertainment comes to you, usually you have to go and seek it out. other than that i had quite a few ideas and things. and i got a tutorial report form out the way and some graduation stuff, which i think caused more problems than good. and today i think i'm going to go to the libary and print some stuff and looks for books on duane hanson. i dont really like getting books from the libary, i like them to be kept on my book shelf so at a moments notice i can rifle through them, in search of something. but the art section in waterstones is rubbish and i don't like buying books off the internet, unless there fiction. becuase you dont know what your getting, i could end up with something thats all writing and no pictures, imagen that?!? now that would indeed be awful.

# 5 [16 March 2008]

And today feels like the day I discovered music, again. And ive been listening to lots of things I haven’t heard for a while. And down loading music like mad. And I listened to Gomez and minus the bear and basement jaxx and idlewild and prefab sprout. And I found out why I fell in love with so many bands in the first place, particularly Gomez and idlewild. Although only there early stuff, the first 2 albums and surrounding e.ps in both cases. I remember when I was about 14 and I went to see idlewild, what I’d give to be back there. 14 pretending to be 18 and getting bruised up in a mosh pit.

and all this sounds awfully like i haven't done any work. although i did start writing, something, maybe a book. i wrote about 3 pages. and i hoovered up too. but neither of those things is going to get me my degree. although i have had an idea about how to do part of my work so i guess i might start that later.

# 4 [12 March 2008]

and today i woke up surprizingly early, considering that i diddn't go to bed untill past four. i was all ready to do things but my computer slowed me down. and there is so many things i could/should have done today. i so pose it is only 2.17 and the day isn't over untill 3. i got an email from vice, that set me back a while. i have to send them some things by friday. i hope by the time i'm dressed the post office is still open. and i've got some work going into an exhibition in luton next week. i need to get that finished by friday. and i'm going out thursday and friday and tomorrow i have tutorials. so i guess that leave tonight. i'm so posed to be looking after my brothers tonight, i dont think there really going to want to help with my work. ah well. maybe i'll just say in this afternoon and listen to lambchop and cry. another productive day. although the day is not over yet...ive got 38 minuets to get off my arse and out into the world. and i'm off (prolly to fall at the first hurdle).

# 3 [10 March 2008]

and today is a bit strange. this morning i was all good and ready to do the tasks on my to do list. but all my hand kept doing was pressing snooze on my alarm. and when i did eventually get up it wasn't as late as i had thought. so i got up and sat at my desk. eating cerials right out the box. its just easier this way. and i thought about a text message i got last night and it made me angry. and i guess thats how i stayed for a few hours, angry. i diddn't reply. i don't want to. i don't ever want to reply. but i know i have too, and i think thats why i'm angry. as well as becuase of what was said. why do people think that they can tell me what to do? and why does someone think that if they said jump, i'm going to say how high?. becuase i'm not. your not as important to me and you seem to think. and anyway time passed and i thought that i might cry. untill the hussle driffted out of the speakers. you can't cry whilst listening to the hussle. although this time i diddn't get up and dance, i just sat, bemused. and then it was only when i heard lambchop - the distance from her to there, that i did actually cry. and as soon as i started i stoped. i'm not quite sure whats going on. i think i've finished my interogating context writting. which is a good thing i so pose. another thing to cross off on my list. if only i just didn't feel so strange today. i'm not even sure if i want to go outside. and not just becuase its been raining. and maybe i'll get some lunch and go to the libary. and make eyes with geeks. oh why is everything such a disaster?

# 2 [9 March 2008]

and here are some pictures of my practical work so far.

# 1 [9 March 2008]

and there is only about 8 weeks of timetabled time left. and i can't work out whether i'm beating the game or whether the game is beating me. i seem to have managed to find time to do lots of partying of late. but i have found time to do my work too. and i think i have finally struck the balence after years of trying. i think discovering that writing doesn't have to be so stiff has helped me profusely. and i'm dyslexic, so naturally me and writing were never friends. but now i feel like i can fully express myself. and i am allowed to start my sentences with and. which is all i ever wanted.