DEGREES UNEDITED

# 11 [26 November 2008]

I presented my contextual research last week.  It went well, I'm very confident in it and it makes sense.  It encompasses a multitude of things, from Debord to Heidegger, from Gary Hume to David Blandy, from Process philosophy to non-places.  There was one question that shakes it all, as always, 'so, what are you going to make?'.

 The answer?  I don't know.  It could become an issue, but I'm going totry and not let it become one.  Letting go, creating uncertaintity in the work.  Considering creating experiences for people, and then perhaps a forum to share them.   Where is the art?  I'v thought about making the experience the work before, but then I have to find a willing audience (although this means their activity is inherant to the work, so perhaps I should say participants).

In the mean time, I've been photographing a sign I made, and taking video of things.  I'm not really sure why, but hopefully they can evolve into something, if just by cutting and pasting until an arrangement works!  As for the sign, I wonder if the action of me carrying it around the city was more interesting than the resulting images.  Theres a thought.

The thing is, I'm not sure how to cut down my research to find a point to attack.  Each thing leads me to something new, or I'm given references which lead elsewhere.  I'd really rather that the work didn't become personal, but I keep thinking of past experiences of my own, such as going to india when I was 16.  

As my tutor said, it seems the whole year group is on the cusp, the work is just about to happen.........I hope thats true!

# 10 [12 November 2008]

Well well.  I realise how 'interesting' mty last post was.  I've just handed in the review, which is a relief.  It's on reviews unedited as well.  I've realised though just how much i've learnt.  Yes, its been tough, yes, I've styruggled more than usual, however that is good as it is due to me taking on a review I wasn't totally confident in of a piece of work I didn't really understand.  Having made copious research notes taking in information I was previously unaware of, its actually become freeing to be aware of those things.  Coupled with this, I had a long tutorial with John Newling yesterday, talking about philosophy, psychogeoghraphy, the liminal, Heidecker and much more, yet it doesn't feel like its strangling me, it feels like its beginning to give me things to focus work on.  Fantastic. 

 I need to find the time to make work though.  I'm not complaining though.  I'm involved in a 16mm workshop all week, actually getting to use precious film stock and beautiful cameras, learning how to process the film.  Its brilliant.  This would cost me a huge amount elsewhere!  We are being taught by a guy called David Kidman who's come over from france to get involved and show one of his films on Friday.  I've wanted to be able to get hands on with my footage for sometime, bypassing the computer interface (although I still love working that way too!) and being able to manipulate it all by hand, see and feel the process of making. 

In many ways, I've begun to realise that this is what I'm interested in: the process, the journey, the things that change you.  Process philospophy, the liminal, sunrise and set, events, happenings, deitys.  Its all good.  Just need to translate it into something physical!

# 9 [9 November 2008]

Arghhh.  I know I'll feel better tomorrow, but seriously, how do you review something relevant to your practice when your practice hangs by a very fine thread?  I got it wrong this year, but this year it matters.  I'd rather write a dissertation.  Much rather.  I think I'd be quite good at that.

 I'll put up some of my statement of intent here.  It sounds good.  I'm just not sure if I believe it.  Having to decide these things to a deadline really screws you over.  It aint natrual.  Now I'm handcuffed into following what I wrote.

 Maybe I should be a graphic designer.  

# 8 [9 November 2008]

Review deadline this week.  After much deliberation and complete lack of having seen anything relevant to my practice, even though things not relevant excited me, I chose to write about David Blandys ‘The search For Mingering Mike’ at the Bluecoat in Liverpool.
Basically, Blandy is empty.  Full of art nonsense, a path I am scared of going down. So, unable to do so himself, he invents a character to embark on a voyage of self discovery.  That’s it.  He can’t handle accepting that he has to do it himself.  Instead, his alter ego must do it for him.  This is performance, which I know little about.  The work was unintelligible to me in the flesh, only after a talk by Blandy can I begin to see through the racial politics and inexplicable drawings to see what he was trying to do.  His constant referencing of cultures unknown to me left me unable to decipher his work, instead I left with a confused list of questions about the work rather than a real sense of what it was about.  I was disappointed.  No, I was angry.  Blandy made me feel stupid in the gallery space, and then relayed to me all the things which I would never have been able to connect without it.  I feel far less stupid now, just overawed with information.  I hate this.  I hate writing this.  It makes no sense to me all this conceptual bollocks, like a ball and chain around my neck holding me down, in my own practice almost crippling me, its so easy to overthink, so easy to confuse things.  How can I be expected to take on board pjhilospohy, theology and obscure cultural references all at once.  That’s too much.  I don’t give a shit about Freud, Lyotard or Lacann, taking thousands of words to explain something everyone knows anyway.  Bullshit.  It pisses me off.  If you are going to lipsync, please make that obvious.  Don’t expect me to have seen all your previous work first.  That’s a really egotistical thing to do.  The work should stand by itself.  I’m so fucking angry right now.  I hate art.  I just want to make things look good.  I hate having to bullshit and make excuses for what I do.  This isn’t fun anymore.  Its stressing me out.  If I knew Blandy often lip-synced if I knew Mingering Mike was real, if I knew he was using an obscure 70’s sci fi film by a funk artist (FUNK NOT SOUL, is there a difference?) rather than having invented his own breast-like spaceship and planet colonised by black people.  BLANDY, YOU ARE WHITE.  
I really though this would relate to my practice.  After having researched this, I have no idea what my practice is again.  THANKS.  Working that out took weeks of stress, late nights and really, really hard fucking work.  I’m back to square one.  I’m lost again.  This is shit.  Why am I even here?

# 7 [19 October 2008]

Its the end of the first week of term.  Finally.  It's good to be back.  25 weeks until we start clearing out the studios for the degree show they keep telling us.  25 weeks.  I'm not quite sure if I'm nervous, excited or just a bit saddened that its all coming to an end.

Not time for any of that though.  Need to crack on.  I had a revelation a week and a half ago, whilst looking at a Hetain Patel piece in the New Art Exchange in Nottingham.  I suddenly realised my work is about the journey.  The process.  Its the time between places where decisions are made and where events and experiences happen and change the course of the journey.  ts taken me a long time to figure out, but then reading 'An Essential Disorientation' about John Newlings work, the first section being all about the Liminal - a threshold, a place where things happen, almost unquantifiably, perhaps physical, perhaps spiritual, the liminal is a place of change, of transition.  The idea of a spiritual realm is brought into the discussion, something that particuarly interests me.  It seems that this space, this transition, this process of change or of realisation or even encounter is perhaps the space my work might sit in best.  

Previous ideas of mine have been of the spiritual, of a searching for something, or of a journey or process of following or gradually changing.  I've worked with how paint (especially gloss) ages, the question of when an artwork is finished.  I've looked at the lifespan of an idea, or an artifact, how they change and alter depending on who is considering it.  The quest for pure form, long pursued by the giants of painting.  Then there is the good ol' road movie, like Chris Petits 'Radio On'.  A journey in itself.  A dcumentaion perhaps of the experience along the way.

It feels good to be a bit more grounded at last.  I just have to work out how these ideas might begin to physically manifest themselves.  I have several lists of words now that should hopefully begin this.  One more week until this has to be handed in in black and white.  I think I'm nearly there.

I am excited.  And nervous.  Its the best way to be, balancing the two.  And yes, a little sad.  So, work hard, play hard.  Find the balance.  Its going to be a good year.  

# 6 [21 September 2008]

I have just returned from being part of Made in 24hrs, a project as part of London Design Festival.  The idea was to show what could be produced within a 24 hour period (7am - 7am), with 40 people, mainly Goldsmiths design students spotted with graduates, Fine Artists and a few tutors taking part.  

 As much as I'm blooming knackered, it was fantastic.  I was placed within the team working with sound.  To begin with we were asked to respond to Deptford through items bought at Deptford market that morning, and we produced a cabinet of sounds made from appropriated materials - a turntable mimicing a ticking clock, PC fans used to mimic birds wings and knitting needles.  

Later we were asked to begin working towards the show.  After 2 hours of wandering around the space, trying to utilise a bike wheel as a control and wondering if I was beginnng to descend into delirium, I produced 2 speaker cabinets converted to acoustic instruments.  The speaker cabinets were fantastic to work with as acoustic chambers, able to amplify sounds.  I have never shown work on a wooden pallet in a gravely yard before.  Its quite liberating to be free to just produce with what is available.

 It was really interesting to work with designers.  Most of the time it was easy, until it came to transferring concepts to design.  I wanted to think more, to discuss further, the idea of suddenly producing a useable object rather than an abstract expression of the ideas was a struggle at times.  Much of the time was spent trying to work out how to make ideas work, I think I spent 2 hours melting pens to gain the right angle to create a ticking sound on a turntable.  The result was fantastic, but the molten plastic (some of it still on my finger) seemed far from my usual way of working.

Which made me think, how should I work?  I found some things, and I tried to see if they could become something else.  Simple really.  It didn't make me question life, the universe and everything, but it worked, it was a challenge, and the ideas of transforming appropriated materials is really interesting, especially as I managed to combine it with the notion of viewer interactivity and a sonic interpretation of the visual.

I am more confused than ever as to what I want to do, but this was brilliant.

http://24hrdesignandmake.co.uk/

There will be a video documenting the day at some point.  It will be interesting to see how my interview at 2pm compares to the one at 5am.  I struggled to find words at all at that point.

# 5 [12 September 2008]

500 word limit defeated me there.  Read the previous post before this one, if you will....

  Anyway, here they are.  Stills from a video filmed around a shelter I built in the woods years ago as an investigation into those who used to live and work there, now with a narration about the development of an idea (ha - a journey).  The other is a painting of black gloss squares on a matt black background, made to sit with white versions I have been making on and off for a while.  I need to commit myself to something.

# 4 [12 September 2008]

So, two new pieces in the last week.  Both seem to have taken months to do, and I'm not sure if either are actually any good.  Still, they're done, I've done something, perhaps even kick started the thinking again, although I find myself more confused as ever as to the direction I want to take.

Perhaps I have to many interests.  I know its sensible to narrow them down for the final year, to concentrate on one, but I just can't see myself sticking to it.  I'll end up all over the place, flitting between painting and video, or between light, contras and the spiritual.  I'd like to make a documentary, but about what?  I'd like to paint shiny squares, but why?  I love light, I love contrasts ( I think), but what, if anything, ties it all together?  

 At the start of our first year, we were asked to write a short manifesto for our time at uni.  Mine was to 'juxtapose the creator with his creation'.  I was told off for using the word juxtapose.  I wonder if I've lost track of that, or if I was just trying to sound impressive, to make a statement.   I can see how light would be involved.  I can see how painting white squares could sit with that, I just wonder if the contras fit as well.  

I've had a spiritual side to my work all along.  I get a bit embarrassed about it at points, and the fact that my personal beliefs have been shaken in the past two years has left me with no definitive stance, making it harder for me to talk about that within my practice.  My foundation final piece was a video from the first person perspective walking towards a sunset.  Is the aspect of a journey important?  Is the symbolism of God important?  Do the contras become symbolic of an internal battle between two sides, or two worlds, or between God and man?  Perhaps I've been ignoring this for too long.  I've been worried about making my work too personal.  I did that once and really hurt someone.  It's not worth it if that happens.  Plus, who's interested in my own personal voyage of discovery?  Why would anyone actually bother to look at it?

 It makes me wonder just how long it takes to form your practice.  Do we all eventually find one thing, or is it normal to have many lines of enquiry which at some point all come together somehow?  I envy those who have ideas, do them, and worry about that later.  Maybe I have lots of those ideas, but overthink them well before I do any of them.   Perhaps I just need to do things and think later.  I really need to sit down and think about the last few things I've done.

# 3 [1 September 2008]

Its the start of September, I'm enrolled, but am I ready.  My intention was to spend the summer researching, thinking, and making sure I am ready to begin that last year.  I've definitely been thinking.  Problem is, have I thought it through too much?  I was so certain as to what I was going to focus on this year, but then maybe thats the problem.  The choice to focus on one aspect of my practice for a whole year, in order to help me fulfill my academic commitments.  It would be simpler, but will this cause me unnecessary headaches.  

 I went to see the Gary Hume show at Modern Art Oxford.  It was fantastic.  All those glossy, shiny paintings, the simplicity of the approach, changing the feel of the room, and just asking for my eyes to roam over their surface.  Its brought things back, I made gloss paintings, and never managed to get hold of aluminium to play with (its expensive y'know).  Thing is, I'd put that aside, but standing looking at these exquisite surfaces, it all came flooding back.  The space, the way they affect the room, the way the light plays on their surface, creating illusions of depth and texture........

 I am now working on two things at once.  A video,   which I MUST finish today and send off for a show, and a black gloss painting, lying alone in my garage crying out for attention.  I decided I wasn't a painter a short while ago, and video has pulled me right in with its possibilities and twisted simplicity, but I find myself once again torn.  I must now wait for prints from my brownie camera and the developing from my super-8 (both fantastic presents), to see if a: they work and b:if I can work them.  I love them.  But what to do?  

It seems I may have an obsession with the aesthetic, a need to be drawn in and seduced by the sheer beauty and texture of images.  I've always needed basslines and rhythm in my music (another avenue half explored), its the same thing, a seduction, but this time aurally.  I'm a romantic.  Blimey, thats unfashionable.  If all this is true, how do I make it current, bring it up to date?  How do I critically talk about this?

 Then there is light.  Its the same thing.  In essence, shiny things, flashy lights and the sun always stop me in my tracks.  Thing is, beauty is not universal.  Or is it?  Oh dear.  Maybe this idea of working with contras and juxtaposing town and country will just piss me off this year.  Usually I get so far, then get so fed up with what I'm doing that I go off on a tangent, only for that to go nowhere and have to come crawling back.  'Hello idea, sorry I neglected you, I just had to go play with someone else for a while'.  Urgh, its artistic adultery.  

# 2 [4 August 2008]

The internet.  Wonderful isn't it?  It is absaloutely ideal for wasting time, better than tv - you can fool yourself into thinking you're actually doing something.

I realised this yesterday as I checked through all my various web - based spaces, beginning to wonder if I'm spreading myself too thinly.  Here is the list: -

a-n degree shows unedited blog

a-n reviews unedited (various reviews, the one on the NTU degree show gets a mention in a-n this month.  Heres hoping for a commission soon....)

dan-green.blogspot.com (easier than building a website, something to send with a proposal)

dangreen.awardspace.com (first year project, haven't used it for a year, but it would be sad to see it go - its still interesting)

Artreview.com (artists social networking site - profile and some work on there)

Culturgen (NTU school of art and design alumni social site.  Think I'm the only undergrad on there somehow....)

Plus the normal generic Myspace (I have three - one personal that I never check, two for music - myspace.com/nudeselfportrait is a project with some friends, myspace.com/machinemusicstuff is a solo project, although both seem to have been neglected of late - and the obligatory Facebook, which sucks the life from me.

And thats just the stuff I'm on.  Seriously, then its the news, oppertunities sites.  Blimey, if I get to research anything its a miracle. 

 Problem is, how do you pick which ones to leave alone?  Jumping at every opportunity might not always be the ideal.  Be selective Dan, be selective.